Dedication
by krackensan
Summary: Heero made a promise never to kill again, but those around him don't understand and question his choice and his relationship with Duo Maxwell, who is both a Preventer agent and their hero. Yaoi.1x2,2x1
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Peace

by Kracken

Disclaimer: I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warnings: Male/Male sex, graphic, language, violence.

Dedication

He's trying to type his report with only one hand, bringing the injured one into play with wincing reluctance every now and again. It's bandaged, white and bloody. One side of his face is covered in a large patch and tape bandaged as well, some blood dried and crusted along the bottom edge. His hair is almost out of it's braid, a few stubborn strands caught haphazardly in the elastic at the bottom, but most of it tangled and loose all around him. I'm always amazed at how much of it there is.

He should be home... scratch that... he should probably be in a hospital, being monitored for a concussion. The report was important enough to disregard that, though. The rebel cell that he had battled with, had only been a splinter group. Une and the Preventers needed as much information as possible to pursue it with fresh agents. The wounded could only have their rest after they were deployed.

"Hey, Captain Maxwell!!" One of his men, grunting with a male adrenaline high, knocked knuckles with Duo as he passed by, both of them grinning like maniacs. "We showed them!"

"Rock 'em and sock 'em!" Duo laughed back. "The rest are probably pissing themselves right now, scared to death. We'll get 'em on the rebound."

"Damn right!" another agent,limping and leg braced up to his thigh with a field strap, shouted.

They were tossing their gear to other agents, fresh off their transport and muddy and bloody. Duo's laptop was balanced on one knee and he was perched on a mountain of that gear, unconcerned with the bloodied and holed flack jackets as he worked. His own was open at the collar, stripped open on the side and showing a sweaty undershirt. His combat pants, black knife strapped to one thigh, were as filthy as everything else.

I waited for my time, leaning back against a wall, in shadow and out of sight. I knew that he needed to do this. I knew that I had to throttle all of my concern for him, until the mission was truly completed.

As his men filed out, laughing and joking with the ground crew, and he was left with only the few men who were logging in the equipment, Duo allowed himself to finally frown in pain and exhaustion. He blinked and blinked again, fingers slowing in their typing as he tried to keep his concentration.

Not for the first time, I thought, 'This could have been my place'. I had been a soldier, of one sort or another, my entire young life. My decision to never kill again, to stay at a desk job to keep my personal promise, sometimes weighed heavy on me, especially when I saw the man I loved go into combat without me there to watch his back.

When the laptop closed, though, and Duo took in a shuddering breath, my decision, once again, became the right one. He needed me here, as well, needed me to be here to catch him and care for him when the missions were done.

Sliding a supporting arm around him, and helping him off the mound of gear, he grinned at me lovingly and with relief. "Hey, baby," he said with a chuckle.

I scowled at the ridiculous endearment, and his head wound, and grunted,"How many times do I have to tell you to duck, asshole?"

Duo laughed outright and then winced at the pain it caused his head. "As many times as you want to," he replied. "As long as you'll always be here for me."

We limped towards medical as my arm tightened around him and I replied,"I never intended to do anything else."

His smile was warm, but it soon turned into a grimace of pain as we managed the long corridor to medical. We were told to wait and we sat on plastic chairs, in an outer room, for a very long time, letting the medics patch the more seriously wounded first. I handed Duo drinks to re hydrate him and worried when he said that he wasn't hungry. Nausea was a sign of concussion, yet he told me irritably that he was fine.

At last, when Duo's men were either released or put to bed in the main hospital wing, it was his turn. An old field medic waved him to an exam table with a tired and harried expression, I helped Duo as he rose stiffly and moved to comply. Undressing and putting on an exam robe, I gave him steady support and helped him onto the exam table covered in crinkly, white paper. Legs swinging just short of the foot rest, Duo didn't look like the soldier he was or any where near his twenty two years. He looked more like a boy who had had an accident during some sort of rough play.

Duo was patient when the doctor looked into his eyes with a light, turned his head this way and that, and cleaned out his wounds, but he growled impatiently when the doctor suggested twenty four hour observation. He opted for foam sealer over his more serious wounds, instead, and grinned and winked at the irritated doctor as he signed his release form.

Duo reached back and made his errant hair into a long pony tail, snapping the elastic on with practiced ease, as he stood, swayed unsteadily, and then leaned on me. "Just need some damn rest," Duo assured me, "So stop looking that way at me."

I was worried. I had good reason. I had seen men assure everyone that they were all right and then die rather suddenly. Adrenalin was a powerful force.Iit could make a body operate long after reason said that it shouldn't.

Duo's cell beeped and I almost swore. He had sent his report electronically, but his computer was still stubbornly clutched in one hand. Duo kept his hold on me, tucked the computer under an arm that was slow to close around it, and flipped open his cell.

"Maxwell." He listened, frowned, and then nodded. "I'll be right there."

When Duo closed the cell, I knew better than to protest, just as I knew better than to insist that he stay in medical for observation. Duo didn't let his body dictate his limitations. He went where he was needed.

"Sorry, baby," Duo sighed. "Duty calls. Get me to Une's office and then you can-"

"Wait until you're done debriefing," I said, cutting him off. "Going home is not an option."

Duo draped an arm over my shoulders and pulled me into a tight hug, ignoring the curious stares of the people passing us in the corridors. "I wish I didn't keep dragging you into this. You made your decision."

I frowned at him. "My decision was not to be placed in a situation where I would need to kill again, it had nothing to do with being a part of your life and your choices."

We slowly limped down the corridor and into an elevator. As we went up into the depths of Preventer headquarters, Duo said, "I see how they look at you, like you're some kind of damned coward. They've forgotten everything you did during the war, the sacrifices that you made. You shouldn't have to deal with them."

"I like the work," I replied. "I'm still fighting for peace, just in a different way."

Duo nodded. "I'm front line and you're support. Nothing gets done without those two things working perfectly together, but they'll never get that. They think, if you don't hold a gun, you're not an agent."

"I don't need them to validate my life," I told him firmly, but I didn't say how it did make my life harder. Some part of me, the one that had always been a soldier of one kind or another, was in complete agreement with those who were all too ready to say that HeeroYuy had turned coward.

We reached Une's office. I let Duo go reluctantly and said, "You're going to eat as soon as you're done debriefing, even if it's a liquid meal supplement."

"Yes, sir, 'Light of my Life'," Duo replied with a grin and a small, tired, salute, as he left me in the corridor to wait.

It was several, boring hours later, when a medic came down the corridor with a heavy case and an anxious expression .I threw open the door to Une's office, without waiting for him to reach me, and found her bending over my Duo. He was slumped in his chair, pale as milk, and completely unconscious.Her tactician's were standing in a knot off to one side, at a loss.

"Maxwell?" Une was saying urgently.

"Duo?" I crouched down and checked his pulse. It was ragged. The adrenaline rush was over and he hadn't had anything reserved in its place."Damn it, Duo!" I snarled and made way for the medic as he hurriedly began slapping instruments inside Duo's T-shirt. He checked monitors and then relaxed.

"Moron," the medic growled. "Nothing life threatening," he assured the room and me, "just exhaustion. He needs bed rest and fluids. I'll have him transported back to medical."

"He wouldn't agree with that," I protested.

The medic eyed me irritably. "He's hardly in a position to argue."

"I have the legal right to make medical decisions for him, and you know it." I was tired of repeating that. It was something that they liked to forget. It reminded them that Duo was gay, and that I was more than just a friend. It was something that no one liked to remember about their heroic Captain Duo. Even now, it was a topic to be avoided, something someone kept in the bedroom and didn't wear on their sleeve, along with their medals, for everyone to see. Some even acted as if I had 'turned him gay', as if he would never have had such an inclination without my help.

Duo roused, blinking stupidly, and then he saw me and looked confused. "Wasn't I in a meeting?" he asked wearily.

"It's over," I told him. "If you can stand, they'll allow me to take you home."

Not that they could stop me otherwise, but it sounded less unreasonable to their concerns.

Une put hands on hips and pursed her lips, for a moment, while she looked down at us both from over the rim of her glasses. then she said, "Go home, Maxwell. I don't need you cluttering up my office furniture."

Duo snickered and then levered himself onto his feet, with my help and the help of Une's desk. He made a motion, when he was almost upright, that said, 'See, everything's fine.' and then he gave them all a salute and let me take him out of there.

The braid was all business, stark and tight, and ready to be tucked into jacket or flight suit, when called for. The pony tail made him look innocent, and very young, and I loved his hair that way, even though it was trying it's best, at the moment, to escape it's hair band in long, cinnamon strands. It was his signal that he was off duty, relaxed, and ready to be mine, instead of a Preventer agent. When he fell asleep, in the passenger side of our car, it was another sign that he was done with his mission, and it showed his trust in me.

Getting him home was my duty. Convincing him to get into bed and sleep, once we were there,was my challenge. Duo was in love with sacrifice. He'd give his last drop of blood for his job, and to me, if he thought I needed it. Days away on a mission, nights spent holding nothing but his pillow, and he was concerned that he was cheating me out of a homecoming, making me suffer with loneliness for a little longer than I might be able to bear. He wanted to hold me, sit with me, even have dinner, but I could see how pale he was, and how his eyes kept almost drifting shut. Once I was certain that his head wound wasn't going to be dangerous if he slept, I coaxed him into bed and ignored his leer as I undressed him. Slipping on his soft, sleeping pants, he sighed as if disappointed, but it didn't take more than a few moments for his exhausted body to succumbed to the soft mattress and pull him down into deep sleep.

Duo twitched and dreamed of missions, but that was all right. His mind needed to work them out, and I knew that it didn't really bother his sleep. I checked on him, off and on, until it was time for me to sleep. I went to bed on the couch, though, knowing better than to trust Duo's unconscious reflexes right after a mission. That did give me a feeling that was cold and lonely, but I knew that Duo would more than make up for it the next day. I mused about how much I had changed since we had become a couple, and I knew that insisting on a desk job, and a normal life, had gone a long way into creating the person that I was now;a person that Duo needed so very much.

I had dreams as well, dreams of old battles and death. I wasn't free of that old life completely, and I didn't think that I ever would. Going from a weapon, with no future, to a man of peace, with gentler aspirations, left a battle ground of mental difficulties. A tiger might be tamed, but it was still a tiger. I had therapy twice a month, Duo needed it more often. He was still making history, after all, still battling for peace, and still filling graveyards with those who wouldn't follow the law. It was a burden that he was willing to bear, so that others wouldn't have to, he had told me often enough.

I awoke to morning sunlight through a window, and found myself looking at one of our photos, propped lovingly on a side table. I was looking stern and Duo was hanging on me and flashing a peace sign. His grin was infectious. I returned it, reached out to touch the frame, and thought about how many people wished that I weren't a part of that picture. It was almost as if they thought that I was a traitor, or a pervert, sullying their hero and crushing their image of me, the man who had saved them all. Heroes didn't fuck each other and refuse to fight. It wasn't any more basic than that.

Duo came padding down the stairs, robe hanging on his slim frame and sleep pants drooping to reveal one hipbone. His hair was a mess, strands all around him, as he covered a yawn with his bandaged hand and blinked sleepily at me. Guilt flashed briefly in his eyes when he saw me on the couch, but then he let it go, understanding and knowing that there wasn't a solution to it.

He was stitched here and there, the skin bruised and unlovely around them. He had a few nasty scrapes, and an impact bruise, as big as my hand, along his ribs. He wasn't moving stiffly, though, because of his excellent physical shape, and I was struck by his controlled, cat like grace, as he reached the bottom of the stairs and cinched up his robe.

"My mouth tastes like road kill, and I stink like you wouldn't believe," Duo told me in a gravely voice, "but I need food worse than a cleaning. If you'll please keep to a wide safety perimeter, I won't kill you with the stench."

I chuckled, wrinkling my nose as I stood. "I'll cook. You sit and try to stay downwind."

He grunted, sat slowly on the couch that I had vacated, and switched on the vid news. With the announcer's voice in the background, I went into the kitchen and put together a meal containing as much protein and vitamins as possible. He needed to refuel, not waste time on empty calories. Because I took meals that seriously, and never spared a thought for taste or eating for the enjoyment, Duo often cooked instead. I doubted that he would complain, though. He looked worn to the bone.

"That smells great!" Duo called from the living room, as I fried sausage and eggs, mixed with greens and fruit. "Did you learn to cook while I was gone?"

"I did get a lecture from Quatre," I admitted sourly as I turned on the coffee maker. "He wasn't happy with the last meal that I served. He said that it would make a good interrogation technique."

Duo barked laughter, but then asked worriedly, "You had him over while I was gone?"

I knew that tone. He was worried that I was feeling lonely. "He invited himself," I replied.

Duo thought about that, weighed it, and wondered if I was telling the truth. Finally, he asked, "So, he gave you cooking tips? I didn't know that he could cook."

"He can't," I replied as I dished the food onto a plate."He told me that his cook says that fruit makes everything taste better."

"Fruit?" Duo sounded skeptical as he made his way into the kitchen and sat at the small table. I set out his mug of coffee and he gratefully drank it as I put down his breakfast. I tried not to breathe as I did it. He did smell rank with sweat and blood.

Duo put aside his coffee and then used a fork to spoon around his food. "Fruit..." he repeated doubtfully, and then took a bite. He quickly began almost inhaling the food. "This's good," he mumbled around it.

I gave him second and third helpings before he burped and pushed his plate away. He reached out with a thankful grin, to pull me in for a kiss, but I jerked back, scowling. "Bath, first," I ordered.

Duo snickered as he stood up. "Yes, sir, Captain Yuy."

"And then back to bed," I added as I followed him to the stairs.

Duo eyed me over his shoulder. "Bed? With you in it, I'm hoping?"

I felt a keen warmth. "Of course," I replied.

Duo smirked and then continued up the stairs.

That made it all worth it, I thought, all the ridicule and more complex hatred. Duo was mine and I was his. What we made together, love, warmth, and a perfect completeness, wasn't something that I ever wanted to do without.

TBC 


	2. Words

My desk was in a back corner of the office, neat, orderly, and already stacked with work to be processed. I'd left Duo sleeping at home, reluctantly, trusting him to stay there and not try to come in to work after me. The man was insanely dedicated, sometimes, but even he could see that he needed down time.

There was a scrawled note. I gave it a brief glance and then crumpled it as I tossed it into a trash bin. Two points, I thought sourly, and refused to look around the room to search out the person who had left it there. It was too common, the insults, and the anger. I'd lost count of the many notes that had simply said, 'Coward', or 'Pervert'. They didn't know that I wasn't ashamed and that their notes didn't bother me at all. They didn't realize that I felt fulfilled in both my job and my relationship with Duo. They couldn't rip apart, with mere words, the firm foundation that had become my life.

My job was to kept the information flowing, at Preventer headquarters, and to file it when it had run it's course. Agents relied on my timely and concise practices, but I didn't expect thanks, and so wasn't disappointed when I didn't receive any. I was invisible, just files posted to their emails when they needed them the most, and when cases hung on the brink and needed that extra bit to solve them. They didn't know that I spent exhaustive hours getting them that info, and that all of it wasn't from approved Preventer channels. I was the finger on the pulse of the organization, knowing just what it needed and when it needed it. A field agent could only solve one case at a time, I was helping to solve, or complete, dozens. I didn't need a gun, and I didn't need to kill. At the end of the day, I clocked out, like everyone else, conscious clear and promise kept.

"How's our hero?" Samuels asked as he sat at his desk beside me and tossed his bagged lunch into one drawer. He wasn't referring to me.

"Tired, sore, but all right," I replied as I flicked through a file on my computer screen.

Samuels was a man who might have done better as a mouse. He looked like one, always hunched over, wide eyed, and twitchy. He was allergic to everything and everything seemed to startle him. He was really ill suited to anything except what he was doing now, desk work in a climate controlled environment full of agents to protect him from... whatever he was afraid of at the moment. This morning it was rude taxi drivers. He twitched and complained about how his L2 born cabby had seemed intent on robbing him rather than getting him to work.

"He took wrong turns on purpose," he swore. "I know he was trying to find a quiet place to rob me... or kill me. Good thing it was early morning rush hour. He finally gave up and brought me to work." I didn't point out that the cabby had only been taking a faster route, Samuels wasn't good at listening to reason. He much preferred to complain and be afraid. Maybe it made his boring life seem more interesting? "Do you think I should report him?" he finished and I blinked, feeling sorry for the poor cabby.

"He didn't, actually, do anything illegal," I replied.

"But he's from L2!" Samuels exclaimed, his eyes getting even wider as he fished out kleenex and began dabbing his nose. "Everyone knows they're prostitutes,thieves, and syndicate."

I frowned. "Duo is from L2," I replied quietly.

He blinked at me rapidly and then sniffed into his kleenex. "So he is... still..."

I wasn't going to wait until he launched into his reasoning as to why my Duo was different. I picked up some file chips and made my way to records. I've been told that there's always someone you dislike in a job situation. Even Duo had men and women that he often complained about. Samuels was mine... and Ralph Treakel.

"Yuy?!"

I winced and stood still, waiting for him to catch up to me. Treakel was section leader, a perfunctory office title that simple meant that he was allowed to rearrange the furniture once in awhile and act important to ten other people. Unfortunately, I was one of those ten.

Treakel was perfectly bald, his head shinning in the overhead lights. His small, blue eyes were narrowed, and his full mouth was white with anger and compressed into a tight line. Not a good sign. He perpetually straightened his tie with big hands as he told me, "You're supposed to report to me when there's a problem! You had seven files logged out to you yesterday and only four of them were logged back in at the end of the day. I want an explanation, Yuy."

I didn't doubt that Treakel was a strong man, but sometimes big men let themselves think that they could do as they pleased, simply because of their size and intimidation factor. Knowing how to kill a man, unarmed, in a hundred different ways, gave me a confidence that seemed to infuriate him even more, that and my expression, which has always appeared unimpressed at the best of times.

"Duo was injured," I replied carefully. "I was ordered to take him home. I'm sorry that I didn't log in the files. If you check, I logged them in this morning before I began on my new batch."

"The rules apply to you, Yuy, just like everyone else here," Treakel raged without losing a beat to embarrassment. "Maybe you were a big shot 'back in the day' but your ass is in a desk chair, now. You will log your files in at the end of each day or I will file a report on you! Got that?"

"Yes, sir," I replied quietly. "It won't happen again."

"See that it doesn't!" He jerked his tie into a final position and then whirled away, storming off to where ever section leaders went.

"I think that he almost exploded," Chang Wu Fei grunted as he leaned to get water from a water cooler. His shoulder gun was prominent, his holster looking well worn. "As if files were more important than an agent."

"I did fail to log the files in last night," I replied, "but I didn't see how I could accomplish it with Duo, half passed out in my arms."

"Is he all right?" Wu Fei asked with concern, turning to face me and forgetting his water.

"Fine," I replied, "Resting."

"Good," Wu Fei said in relief. He eyed me with his dark eyes. We didn't walk in the same circles any longer and I hadn't talked to him in some time. I could see questions knocking behind his lips, but he wisely didn't voice any of them. "Give him my hope for his complete recovery," he said instead and gave me a slight bow before he went back to his section of headquarters. I didn't remind him that he had forgotten his water.

I suppose that Chang Wu Fei's opinion of me was something that I valued. I wasn't sure what his judgment of my decision to stay desk bound was, but he hadn't looked antagonistic. He was a warrior, through and through, but I had to remember that he had been a scholar once. It was possible that he envied my decision, while not wanting it for himself any longer.

My cell phone beeped. I opened it and smiled when I saw my home number. "Duo?" I wondered.

"Yeah," Duo replied with a chuckle."I had to say good morning, since you sneaked out while I was still asleep."

"You're eating the oatmeal, bacon and eggs, I left you, right?" I asked hopefully.

"If it's shaped like a powdered donut, then yeah," Duo snickered and then he said, when he heard my growl, "Just kidding. It was good, just what I needed."

I relaxed as I made my way into the bowels of records. It was full of micro chips, old floppies, and even a few reel to reel micro incoders from the 'old days'. The shelving was close and the room climate controlled. Everyone called it 'the tomb'. It was my favorite place. I could get lost there most of the day with an old laptop tucked into a dimly lit corner that I used for file transfers. I suppose I shouldn't have been so shocked when I found it, screen smashed, and scrawled with the words, 'Loser' and 'Pervert', in red marker.

Duo must have heard me take in a quick breath. "What's wrong?"

I scowled as I gingerly turned the laptop around and looked at it more closely. I thought that I could save it. It was a field model and made for hard impacts. "Fine," I told him. "I'm in the records room. I found... a mess."

"A file out of place, Mr. Anal Retentive?" Duo snickered.

"Something like that," I replied. "I have work to do, love. Why don't you go get some more rest?"

"Okay," Duo replied and yawned. "If I'm being forced to take down time, I might as well enjoy it. Have a good day, sweet."

I grimaced at the pet name. Duo had snickered over it when he'd heard an old couple saying it to each other, but he had started using it on me right afterward, along with 'baby' and lover' , and it wasn't showing any signs of going away.

"You rest," I told Duo. "Goodbye, love."

I put the phone away, trying to keep hold of that good feeling that Duo always gave me, as I tried to salvage my laptop.

"He's going!"

It's never good to eavesdrop on your lover, especially when they are chewing out someone three pay grades above you.

"Captain Maxwell, sir," the man replied apologetically, "It's a ceremony in your honor. I wasn't put in charge of the guest list. They have stipulated, specifically, that Heero Yuy isn't to attend. They feel that his presence will cause some of the guests to feel uncomfortable."

"Screw their awards ceremony, then!" Duo barked back. "I'm not going where Heero isn't welcome, and I don't want anything to do with people who think that they can insult him!"

"They don't mean it as an insult," the man was quick to assure him. "They are simply sensitive to the climate of the times and don't wish the spot light taken away from their guest of honor."

I stepped into the hallway from a cross section and cleared my throat. They both jumped, Duo's hand automatically going to his shoulder gun. He relaxed a second later and reached that hand out to me, squeezing my bicep harder than I'm sure he realized. The man he had been talking to was a public coordination officer, the man in charge of seeing that Preventers only had good press in the vid news.

"It's all right," I told Duo as I clasped his hand against my arm."I can understand their concern. It's valid. I'm too newsworthy."

The officer paled and looked very nervous as he eyed our clasped hands. He seemed to have trouble focusing on his next words, "Yes, thank you...Mr. Yuy... I'm g-glad that you... understand."

Duo heard his tone and glared at him. "Look!" he exploded, "I don't see why everyone has a problem with us being together! I don't see any other gay couple in Preventers getting our kind of flack!"

The officer opened and closed his mouth and then tried to apologize. I forestalled him by saying,"It's not us, it's me. It seems that I'm not good enough."

Duo slipped an arm around my waist and met my eyes. "You don't think that, do you?"

The officer was forgotten.

"I do have an ego," I replied with a chuckle. "I do think I'm good enough."

Duo snickered at that and then leered as he said, "Oh, you're good, all right."

The officer sounded as if he were strangling and he quickly said, breaking into our 'moment', "Une especially requests your attendance at this ceremony, Captain Maxwell. What should I tell her?"

Duo frowned and then, at my nod, angrily replied, "All right, but people had better get used to the fact that Heero and me are together for life!"

The officer fled the scene, but there were others moving past us that tried very hard to 'not see' us, or to hide their displeasure. Duo settled his shoulders, as if he had barely kept from decking the officer, and then gave my cheek a pat. I knew the signal and smiled for him.

"Stay tough," Duo said, and I knew that he meant the words for the both of us. "Don't let them get you down. Believe in what we have."

"Of course," I replied, but then, "Duo, it is hard for them. You've been the most illegible bachelor in the Earthsphere for years. They see you as a hero, larger than life, and everything they wish to be."

Duo nodded grimly. "They don't want to see me bleed, or fall in love with a guy."

"With Heero Yuy," I corrected him, "The man who didn't live up to the image that they made of me."

"Maybe I should tarnish my image, too, by screwing up a mission?" Duo suggested bitterly. "Maybe, they'd leave us alone, then?"

I laughed, the idea of Duo not giving his all, not doing his very best, as ridiculous as it sounded.

Duo grinned and then gave my ass a hard squeeze. "Okay, so I'm a good soldier... that only leaves shocking them. We could..."

I broke away, shaking my head. "I don't do office sex... or public displays."

"Damn!" Duo snickered in mock disappointment, but then became more serious as he hooked a finger in the loop of my dress pants and gave a small tug. "Evil Une wants me to go to this ceremony, but nothing's more important than you, got it? They suck and they're wrong for treating you the way they do.I won't put up with it, if they're hurting you."

"They can't hurt me," I assured him, "because I don't believe them. Sooner, or later, they will have to accept what we are to each other."

"Crazy in love," Duo chuckled.

"Forever," I replied firmly and pulled away. "I do have work to finish, Captain Maxwell, so, if there's not anything else...?"

Duo gave me a small salute. "Nothing else, Mr. Yuy. You may continue with your duties. Keep in mind, though, that I'll have 'work' for you to do later."

"I'll look forward to it," I replied with mock formality, "as long as you keep in mind that you are still on the 'reduced duty' list. If you over do it day..."

Duo held up his hands defensively, "Warning taken, Yuy. I'll only do two laps of the training course, today, instead of the usual five."

"None," I warned, "Or the only 'work' you will get from me will be dinner and a hand into bed."

"Got it!" Duo grumbled, but then gave me a wink and a wave, "Later, Sweet."

"Stop calling me that!," I shot back, but Duo was already limping away.

My Duo. It sounds demeaning to such a strong man, a man who had survived a life that had destroyed the weak as a matter of course, but it's how I thought of him. It was a phrase that pounded in my head as I pounded between his thighs; loving the tight heat of him, the strong grip of his arms, and the way he tossed his head back and groaned like a wild thing.

He wasn't gentle, this lover of mine, and 'taking it easy' wasn't in his vocabulary. I would sport bruises later, where he was gripping my shoulders, and bite marks along my neck.He would strain muscle and flesh, shrug over the consequences, and ignore the pain as he was ignoring all my attempts to go slowly and carefully. He wanted me taking him hard, stroking those inner spots of pleasure roughly, and showing him that I truly wanted him;that I desired him. This God of Death, this agent supreme of the Preventers, had his doubts, his issues about self worth, and needed reassurance, especially after a mission where he had gained yet another set of wounds and scars.

I didn't shoot into him. Instead, I came hotly across his belly, sitting back and both of us watching as I painted him, groaning and jerking with my orgasm.

"Back in," Duo panted, eyes glazed and pony tail a streak of cinnamon fire over the white pillows.

My Duo, my mind chanted, as I shoved back in, lifted his legs wide, and bucked into him. He grabbed his erection, slitted his purple eyes, and began jerking off. It kept me hard, staring down at his body, watching him strain towards his own orgasm.It made me remember the war, the boy who had worn a priests' outfit and shown me, time and time again, just how good he was at doing the impossible.It was hard to believe that he was mine, that this lithe, strong man, wanted me making love to him, wanted me to be a part of his life, and wanted me just as strongly as I wanted him. The odds against it had been incredible.

Duo came hard, shouting, "Fuck!" as he fisted his erection and pumped madly. He shot explosively, splattering my chest and a bit on my face. He looked sheepish and I couldn't help a small laugh as I wiped my cheek with my thumb. When I stuck it into my mouth and sucked, his eyes glazed and he groaned appreciatively.

"You are the definition of hot, Mr. Yuy," Duo said, but then he grimaced as he swung a leg over and I pulled out.

"All right?" I asked worriedly as he rubbed at that leg.

"Just a cramp." He said that lie easily, but knew that I wasn't buying it. It was just a signal that he didn't want me to fuss over it. His hand ghosted down to his ass and he chuckled. "At least I have a handy excuse for walking funny, when I go to the ceremony in the morning. Just battle wounds, ladies and gentlemen."

My hand went out to touch his hip. "I wasn't too rough?"

He slapped my hand away and glared at me. "Don't be stupid. I think I was the one yelling, 'Fuck me harder!'."

I blushed and he snickered at it. He loves to say crude things, sometimes, just to see the great Heero Yuy, the man of gundanium nerves, blush like a virgin schoolgirl.I'm not sure why I do it... or maybe I do. Duo exudes sexuality. When he says something crude, he makes me want him even more. When I feel myself react so strongly, it never fails to embarrass me, especially when he can see how out of control he can make me with just words.

Duo reached for the towel we had put close by and wiped at himself, erection still half hard. He looked sated and thoughtful. I let him come to it on his own, being patience, itself, as he tossed the towel to me and I cleaned myself. Finally, he said, "Baby... this awards ceremony..."

I thought I knew what he was going to say, so I shrugged and tossed the used towel towards the clothes hamper. It landed on top as I replied, "I understand. It's part of the job."

Duo frowned at me, reached out, and then tugged me down. He wasn't satisfied until I was curled up around him and resting my cheek against his chest. His arm held me tightly against him as he said, "Being who we are, we're called on to sacrifice often. You know that I might die doing my job, someday. You know that my missions have to come before my personal life... our personal lives."

"I said that I know that," I grumbled as I tweaked one of his nipples.

He twitched, ticklish, but didn't lose his serious tone as he stroked the messy hair from my eyes and said, "After the mission, though, they don't have any right to ask more of us. Your mission is over. You've earned your rest.I won't stand by and let them criticize you for that."

I snorted. "It's just an awards party, Duo."

"I'm not an idiot," Duo growled. "I know what's going on."

For a moment I thought that he was talking about work, and the 'accidents' that have been plaguing me, but I was relieved when he continued along another vein entirely.

"They want you to go back into service," Duo said. "They think that, if they can snub you and insult you, that you'll cave. They're using me to get to you. I won't let them do that. I won't let them make me a celebrity, so that they can convince you that, since you aren't an agent, that you aren't good enough to be seen with me."

"Duo," I grumbled."I'm not feeling that way at all. Go to the ceremony. You deserve the award.I won't let you cheat yourself out of what you deserve because of your misplaced concern, and their misguided mechanizations."

"Mecha-what?" Duo chuckled.

I laughed. "Shut up about it, already," I told him. "It's settled. You're going. Now, stop ruining my after glow."

"After glow?" Duo grinned. "I didn't know that I was radioactive."

I sucked on the nipple that I had teased earlier and he groaned in pleasure. Giving it a swipe with my tongue in revenge, I then turned my back on him. "Get some sleep, idiot."

"You're cruel," Duo grumbled as he spooned up behind me and I felt his renewed erection.

"Sleep," I ordered as I pulled his arm around me and closed my eyes.

Duo nuzzled my neck, but I didn't give in. He needed the rest, more than ever, now. After a time, he did fall asleep, his gentle breath tickling the hairs on my neck. I was wide awake, though, thinking about the ceremony. I was only human. I couldn't help feeling the sting of bitterness. The truth of the matter was, that I would have loved to stand next to him while he was honored for what I knew already, for being the great man that he was.

TBC


	3. Awards

Duo looked very good. I settled on the couch with my dinner and watched the large screen show me my lover moving confidently with dignitaries five deep at each elbow. Wearing his long, velvet black coat with the red collar, anyone else would have looked ridiculous. With his cinnamon tail of hair, though, and his striking face, he looked handsome and dangerous instead. The black pants, and the dress shoes, made him a dark point in the colorful crowd and my soldier training winced and worried. There was ample security, I reminded myself, not for the first time, and forced myself to relax and enjoy the ceremony. 

The words scrolling underneath Duo's image, and the excited commentary, told me that Duo was as adored as ever. It made me smile watching him wink and grin at the crowd, playing it for all it was worth. He really did love people and being the center of attention. As he mounted the stage with his train of important people, the crowd surged forward to get close to their famous hero. He had a wave and a slight bow for them all as he was announced by Relena Peacecraft.

His list of accomplishments was long. Duo deserved his award a hundred times over. He blushed modestly as Relena pinned the medal on his coat and handed him a plaque to go with it. It was trimmed in gold and set in an expensive metal. I knew he'd be pawning it the next opportunity and donating all the proceeds to a charity. The people, safe and happy in their peace, was his real award.

Relena kept talking, her high voice the background as I ate my meal and let my attention drift. When I heard her final words, before Duo's speech, it made me instantly angry, the fork dropping from my hand and clattering on my plate.

"I'm sure that everyone is dying to hear your speech, Duo, especially all of these ladies who are hoping to get the attention of Earth and Space's most eligible bachelor." She dimpled as she motioned to the crowd. "They are all hoping to have your arm at the dance following the ceremony."

There was a cheer, hard on the heels of her words, women letting Duo know that they were interested. Duo looked slightly annoyed and then grinned. Only I knew the difference between Duo's, 'I'm enjoying myself.', grin and his, 'I'm ready to slaughter hundreds.' , one. This one was definitely the latter, and I worried, as he took the podium and cleared his throat.

"I'd like to thank everyone who decided to give me this nice award," Duo began and waved the plaque at the crowd. They all cheered. When it died down, he continued, "I appreciate that I'm appreciated," he chuckled, and they laughed as well, as he placed the plaque on the podium, but then he grew serious."It's all about people, though, and keeping them safe. Seeing everyone, safely, go about their business, every day, is my real award." He waited for the cheer over that to die down and then his smile was all mine as he stared into the vid recorders, "But I also do it for those who fought for the peace and are now able to enjoy it. We should all honor them as well, because they deserve, more than anyone else, what they gave blood for. One in particular, has decided to grace my life with his presence." He touched the plaque and the medal. "These are more his than mine. Without him, being my support, my friend, and my love, I couldn't get out there, every day, and do what I do.Thank you, Heero, for deciding to spend your life with me."

My Duo blew a kiss at the vidscreens. The crowd milled and made noises, but I didn't care whether his words were well received or not. The applause seemed half hearted, polite, with only a few enthusiastic corners punctuating the lack, but it had nothing over the wild applause in my heart. I was grinning, every fiber of my being wishing that Duo was there for me to take into my arms. I ignored the nervous voice that worried about consequences. Right then, I took a cue from Duo and let consequences hang in the breeze.

Duo gave the crowd a wave and said a few more things that gathered them back from their indignation. It was me they disapproved of, after all, not Duo. They moaned in disappointment and then approval as he held out his arm to Relena, who smiled as if he hadn't made her angry a moment before, and allowed him to lead her from the stage and into the ballroom.

Duo could dance, but he didn't really enjoy it. I finished my dinner watching him perform one, obligatory, dance with Relena, and then enter his crowd of admirers, and preside over them, before the cameras left the ceremony for other news. The cell phone call was unexpected. I snagged it from where it was lying on a table with my keys, and flipped it open.

"Heero," I grunted, thinking it was work, and not liking the late night interruption.

"You're mad at me?" Duo wondered wistfully.

I smiled and cradled the phone against my ear as I sat again and stretched out comfortably. The noise of the crowd was Duo's background, but I could tell that he had managed some semi privacy for the call.

"I love you," I said simply.

I could hear the grin in his voice."I'm glad. I love you, too, and I think they needed to hear that and get over it.

"They're just hoping to be Mrs. Maxwell," I teased.

"I have one already," Duo chuckled back.

"Really?" I growled in mock anger, "Where have you been hiding her?"

"At my home, probably on the couch," Duo snickered back.

"Now, I am mad," I growled back. "Next, you'll have me wearing a dress. "

"A night gown," Duo replied, thoughtfully, "Red, with a little g-string."

"Pervert," I retorted with a blush. "Not even for you."

"I'm crushed," Duo said sadly and then chuckled. "That's okay, I rather you were in nothing at all."

His voice had taken on that sexy tone that should be outlawed. It made me hard instantly. "How long until you get home?" I wondered.

"As soon as I can shake these people off of me," Duo sighed. "I hate these things."

"Liar," I laughed. "You know you love them."

"Okay, okay... still," Duo told me softly. "I'd trade it all to be with you, right now."

I heard voices calling for Duo, for yet another speech. He sounded put out as he replied and then said to me, "Sorry, love. I'll be home as soon as I can."

"I'll be waiting," I promised.

We said our goodbyes. I cleaned up, put on my black, silk robe, and waited for my lover to come home. He did, eventually, and I was there as he opened the door, looking pale and anxious.

"Heero? Are you all right?" Duo asked quickly.

I frowned. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Duo took me by the hand, looking about cautiously at the darkness, and took me outside to our front doorstep. The white door had been hastily painted and it was dripping red paint onto the cement stoop. In lurid, large letters, it read, 'Die, you queer coward!'

"Someone didn't like my speech," Duo guessed softly and then slid an arm around me as he took me back inside. He locked the door and then seemed anxious about my reaction.

"It's going to be hard to paint over that," was my only comment as I belted my robe tighter about me, frowning.

"Heero!" Duo exclaimed as he confronted me, grabbing my robe in both hands. "It's okay to be pissed about this."

"And let them win?" I replied as I leaned into him and kissed him. "Words are only words, and they only cost us a little paint. They can't shake apart what we have together."

Duo grunted, as if he didn't believe in my calm. He returned my kiss, and then shook his head as he broke away to take off his long coat, grumbling sourly, "Who the hell says 'queer' anymore, anyway?"

----------------------------------------------------

A mission took Duo out of the country long before I thought he was healed, but that was the nature of his dedication. Waiting for his return, was never easy. He managed a few cells calls, before he reached the 'red zone', but after that, it was silence and long hours spent trying not to imagine Duo in a fire fight, or worse. Work helped me cope, and I stayed late, and took on as many caseloads as I could, to keep my mind occupied.

To say that Duo's speech had made me new enemies, was an understatement. It was an odd psychology, I suppose, that painted me as the pervert, the man who was trying to tarnish the image of their hero, by deluding him into being with me. I had spoken with the staff psychologist, briefly, one day, when she had seen a particularly nasty note left on my desk. I hadn't crumpled it and tossed it fast enough to hide it from her quick eyes.

"They're in love with Duo, themselves," she had said, sympathetically. "You're their rival and they'll never think that you're worthy of him."

It seemed an odd diagnosis, until I realized that it wasn't all about sex, but about admiration and plain hero worship.Knowing that, didn't make it any easier when three men decided to air their grievances. I was an ex terrorist. Even after long months at a desk job, I still owned ingrained habits that I didn't think would ever go away. Having our door spray painted had kicked them into over drive. I hadn't given anyone the opportunity to get me into a vulnerable position. These men didn't care about audiences, however, and, aside from one nervous, sympathetic look from a fellow worker, the rest carefully avoided getting involved. My closest fellow worker, Samuels, suddenly had other things to do. He scurried away and left the big agents surrounding my desk, and glaring down at me, fists clenched.

The tallest one, bald and square jawed, had eyes that were steel. He had seen combat, I judged, and automatically put him in the category of 'who to take out first'. His two companions were friends, one a ballistics agent, and the other, a martial arts instructor. The latter moved into the category of 'second man to take out'. I hadn't any intention of actually acting on those thoughts, it was an office, after all, and it was highly unlikely that they would attack me there, but it was as natural as breathing to have them.

"It's all over the news," the bald agent growled as he leaned in to face me. "Duo Maxwell fucks Heero Yuy in his down time. Do you realize how bad that makes us look? Duo gets an award. He makes us proud, makes everyone see what a great organization we are, and then you take us all down. Why don't you get a clue? We don't want you here. We don't have any use for a coward, that pulls down his pants for other guys."

I glared back at the man. "Discrimination in the work place is a serious offense. My sexual orientation, and personal relationships, is not a topic of discussion here. I have the highest rating of any employee currently working for Preventers. That is the only criteria that should be used as to whether I remained employed here, or not."

"Shut up!" the martial arts instructor bellowed. "It's not about that, and you know it! Maxwell doesn't deserve what you're putting him through. You're making people laugh at him. You're hurting his career."

"Once again, that is something personal, between Duo Maxwell, and myself." I was proud that I kept a professional tone. Inside I was seething, though, every muscle ready to 'take out' someone. I suppose that they took my leashed, hard won calm for stony indifference. It made them even angrier.

The bald agent didn't make the mistake of threatening me. His big hand slammed on my desk and he gave me a look full of hot promise, instead. "I think you need to make the right decision, here," he said. "A career change can be a good thing, so can a personal one. Maxwell's life is keeping the world safe. You don't really want to be the one to mess that up, do you? Sooner, or later, the higher ups are going to think that's his personal tastes are too embarrassing to the cause. They might decide to get rid of him."

"That would be a mistake," I replied. "One I don't think they're foolish enough to make."

We glared at each other. The bald agent crushed some of the papers on my desk in a big fist.

"Yuy?"

The men suddenly found other things to do as Commander Une approached my desk. She frowned at the crushed papers as I readjusted my thoughts from 'combat ready' to work related issues. She was soldier enough to feel the tension, though, and she looked around the room and made her own mental notes.

"May I help you, Commander Une?" I asked to get her attention back on me. She had a distinct perfumed scent, that over rode the smell of copy paper and too many agents in a closed space. Her nails were painted pink, with small white lilies, and it made me smile, that touch of soldier humor amidst femininity. Lilies meant death, and we both understood that it was a warning not to forget her past.

While Une didn't approve of my relationship with Duo either. I think that she would have liked all of her agents unencumbered by any sort of commitments. She wanted them ready and willing to do any assignment.If she approved of me at all, it was for the fact that I never stood in Duo's way, or made him feel guilty for leaving me for long periods of time.

"I wanted to commend you on your handling of the Pollock files," Une told me as she decided that the room was safe enough and that she needed to get back to business. "It made prosecution possible."

"Thank you," I told her, and felt a flush of pride.

Une smoothed out the papers on my desk, "In fact, you've been a very busy person, Mr. Yuy. Your fingerprints are on most of the flow of information from this office."

"I enjoy my work," I told her, feeling that she was leading up to something that I wasn't going to like.

"We all need challenges," she said, "and it seems to me, that this office hardly challenges your exemplarily skills. I'd like to offer you a position, Head Coordination Officer of Information. It will require you to travel, in order to coordinate with our other offices, but I think your talent in information gathering is something that is invaluable and not to be constrained to one office."

She was appealing to my need to help the cause of peace. She knew her weapons well. She didn't understand my dedication to Duo, however. I was his support. I was the one who made certain that he was able to do his duty. For me, there wasn't a higher calling than that.

"I'm sorry, but I have to decline," I told her. "However, I can coordinate information from this office by creating a conference uplink to the other offices."

She gave me a very long look and then she said, "You're passing up a very good offer, Mr. Yuy, and a chance to extricate yourself from difficulties that are making it hard to justify your position here."

I was willing to take the chance that I was at least as indispensable as Duo. "Those difficulties are something that I should be protected against,"I told her, "Not blamed for."

She scowled. "You know the reality of the situation as well as I do," she retorted, but then added, "Perhaps, you don't. After all, you do imagine that you're following the pacifist ideal, even though you help Maxwell to the front line of every conflict. Telling yourself that you're not pulling the trigger, is only a convenient white lie."

That stung, because it had an element of truth, but her truth and mine, were divided by a very fine line of conscience.That line was enough to define my life and to satisfy me.

"I wish to remain in my current position," I told her firmly.

She knew a brick wall when she saw one, and she decided not to batter against it any longer. "I want to have a meeting with you and Maxwell, when he returns," she said. "Perhaps, together, we can resolve some of these 'conflicts'."

"Yes, ma'am," I responded automatically.

She nodded and then turned. When she saw the three men, still standing about, she snarled, "Don't you have work to do? You don't have any business in this section, that I'm aware of."

They scrambled and I couldn't help feeling relieved as they all emptied out of the office. My coworkers looked annoyed as they returned to their work, disappointed, perhaps, that they were being robbed of their 'show'. Samuels crept back to his desk, gave me a nervous look, and then wisely said nothing as he began working.

It was good to get back to work myself, and to shut out the rest. As I sent important files to where they belonged, helping important cases, the irritations of the day became minor. If I was willing to give my life for peace, then, I reasoned, what were a few insults and threats? I was certain that I could handle them.

TBC


	4. Process

A weekend off was a chance to reconnect with my calm center. I loved being with Duo, but I enjoyed a bit of solitude, on occasion, as well. My lover was not a quiet man, or prone to relaxing. He liked rock climbing, racquetball, and off road biking. Noise, action, and adrenaline fed his soul on or off of work and I had long ago accepted that. In turn, he had accepted the fact that I enjoyed quiet, reading, walks in the park, and simply relaxing in the sun in our back yard. He teased me by calling me lazy, often wondering if I was part cat, the way I liked to nod off in a lawn chair or curl up in an afghan, and doze against him, while he watched action movies. I often wondered, though, if he were envious. Once in awhile, he would try to join me in my relaxation, but he never lasted. Before too long, he was up again and finding something active to do. I often felt compelled to join him, rather than pursue my own needs, worried that he would feel neglected, so it was nice to wake and follow a routine all my own without that worry, even though I was still missing Duo. 

What would they think, I wondered, to see Heero Yuy, one time wonder of space and Earth, soldier supreme, savior of Earth, kneeling and worried that his tulips weren't getting the right amount of fertilizer? What would they say if they saw me stretched out on a lawn chair in the warm sun, loving the sizzle on my skin, the birdsong all around me, the lazy sound of a neighbor's lawnmower in the distance, and dozing with a romance novel resting on top of my chest? Weak, gay, fag, queer, coward, wimp... as if a man didn't have the right to think of gentle things, or to take pleasure in peace and beauty. One time Gundam pilots rode off road bikes through mud and rough terrain. They watched sports. They worried about basketball scores. They practiced their shooting. They volunteered for suicide missions... I couldn't help smiling. No wonder they liked Duo so much, if that's what they really expected from men. He had always been supremely himself, in and out of the war. I had spent my youth being someone I wasn't. I suppose that I couldn't blame people for feeling confused by my change. I could blame them, though, for rejecting it.

There was a rap on my wooden fence. I squinted through sunshine to our back gate and then remembered my appointment, made at the mailbox earlier that day. My neighbor, a very elderly woman, had become nervous when she had seen us repainting our door. She had insisted on accompanying me on my walk, as if, frail woman that she was, that she could somehow protect me. 'Safety in numbers, Mr. Yuy,' she had told me firmly and hadn't taken no for an answer.In the end, I think I agreed more for her sake than mine. The park was overgrown, and the path rough. She liked to believe that she was still hardy enough to tackle it, but I had my doubts. I felt better following along and making sure that she arrived home again.

Putting my book aside, I stretched, snagged my T-shirt and jogging jacket from the back of the lawn chair, and put them on as I opened the gate. I had never been tall, but she was absolutely tiny next to me. A bundle of frail sticks in shorts, an overlarge jersey shirt and jacket, a flowered hat tied under her chin, and a little dog, of indeterminate breed, on a miniscule leash, she exuded an air of someone much larger. When she spoke, she didn't seem the frail old woman, either. She sounded as if she could scale mountains, or beat off any attacker; calm, firm, and no nonsense.

"Ready, Mr. Yuy?" She asked me and gave me a look as if I needed to pass her inspection. Her little dog sniffed me, suspiciously, and then made a little sneeze. She always referred to me formally, despite my offer to simply call me , 'Heero'. She had a very proper streak and it wasn't proper, she had told me, for her to address handsome young men in a familiar fashion.

"Ready, Mrs. Santos," I replied with a smile, reached down, and patted the nervous dog on the head. "Thank you for walking with me," I felt compelled to say, even though I felt foolish saying it.

"Perfectly all right," she replied as she took the lead and the path toward the park. She did walk as if she were a great deal younger, but I doubted that she would keep that pace up.

I searched for conversation. We talked gardening, dogs, and watched hers sniff and flit about on its leash. The weather, the affect it had on joints, and the problem of the overgrown park, had their turn, and then, proper Mrs. Santos surprised me.

"Some people are still in the stone age," she said. When I blinked at her, she continued while she contemplated the path ahead, "They want to stop you and Mr. Maxwell from being together, because they think they know what's 'natural' and what's not.If you ask me, they belong in the zoo, with the other monkeys walking around on their knuckles."

"Thank you," I replied, because I wasn't sure how else to respond.

"When I see you and Mr. Maxwell together, it just seems right," she finished and gave me a wrinkled, old smile that was a bit shy and embarrassed. "I wish me and the late Mr. Santos had been that close." She gave a shrug of one frail shoulder and the conversation passed on to other things.

Duo and I had been facing so much opposition, it felt good to have someone finally on our side. The walk stopped being something that I had volunteered for, to keep Mrs. Santos safe, and, instead, became a walk with a friend.

He came home in one piece, only tired and not wanting to talk about it. I respected his space and let him forget about it for a little while, knowing it would come out,eventually. For now, my strong arms were good for hiding in and we spent a day swinging on the out door hammock together, under overhanging oak trees, and watching the sun play on shimmering leaves.He was usually the one to do the hugging and holding, that protective streak always dominant, so it was nice to have him draped over me, head on my breast, and my fingers lazily playing in his hair. Mine, I thought, and loved that day of reconnection; affirmation that we belonged together.

"Remember our first time?" Duo murmured suddenly and I could feel his smile against my T-shirt.

"Should I apologize again?" I wondered ruefully.

He snickered and his arms wound tighter around my waist. "You just want to remember the bad part."

I thought about that night. On a stake out, in pouring rain, I had appeared at his car window with important information. Duo had blinked at me, gun in his lap, and then yanked me into the car with a curse.

"You fucking moron!" he had shouted, dragging a blanket out of the back seat and shoving it at my soaked and shivering body, "What the hell are you doing here? It's dangerous!"

That part of the city had been infested with crime, every shadow a potential death trap. An unarmed man had would have been fair game. I had taken out the chip with a shaking, chilled to the bone, hand and slipped it into his hand. His hands had seemed fever warm, then, and it had made me shiver harder.

"This information couldn't wait," I had told Duo. "They know you're out here."

He had quickly glanced around us at the rain drenched darkness and then started the car. He had driven away from his stake out just like that, trusting my word that much.

Duo had turned up the heater and then glanced at me. "So, how did you get this info this late. Aren't Preventer office jockeys nine to five?"

I had shrugged, embarrassed, but then had admitted quietly, "I work late." Because of the loneliness, of course, and the too long days full of it, back then.

"You couldn't just call me?" Duo had growled. "I know you don't carry a weapon. You could have been raped, shot, stabbed, and tied up in a sewer gutter a dozen times before you got to me."

"Your cell was dead," I had replied and even then had wondered that his every thought had been for me, my danger, my safety, and not about my information at all.

Duo had grimaced. "I told supply I needed a new one. The battery is crapping out."

Duo had put my information chip on his dashboard and then glanced at me again.

"Sir?" Habit kept me formal. He was my superior, after all.

He had snickered. "Sir? We go way back, Heero. Don't give me sir anything. I was just thinking," he had admitted, "about how it's hard to believe that you took a desk job. I mean, you have so much damned skill..."

"It's what I want," I had replied. "I don't want to be in a position to kill again. I've done enough of that."

Duo had frowned. "Is that a low blow at me? Do you think I should hang the gun up too?"

I had said my next words without thinking, surprised into saying what was in my heart, "Of course not. You're the best and you want to live your life helping others with your skill. You're self sacrifice keeps the peace."

Duo had looked confused. "It's wrong for you, but right for me? I don't get it."

"My soul has embraced peace. It can't tolerate anymore violence. Your soul is different. It thrives on battle."

"You sound like Chang," Duo had snorted, but then thought for a moment and said, "It's all about choice, then. You chose one way and I've chosen another, but they're both okay?"

"Yes," I had replied.

He had smiled. "You always were black and white, Heero." His eyes had slid my way again. "I missed you."

Those words had seemed to fill the car with a meaning that was overwhelming. In that moment our eyes had met, and we had understood everything, before his eyes had flicked back to the road. Maybe my soul had embraced peace and his had embraced battle, but they had still spoken to each other then.

He had taken me to his place, then, a two story walkup with a mattress on the floor, a vidscreen shoved up against one wall, his weapons locker, and a dominating indoor gym. Helping me pull off wet clothes had quickly turned into something more. Hands had roamed, lips had met, and then we had been tumbling into sheets, everything as natural as breathing. We hadn't questioned why. We hadn't talked about what it meant. We certainly hadn't stopped to ask if it was either one's first time with a man.Instinct had seemed enough and passion, we had been so sure, would be the teacher.

"My ass hurt for a week," Duo remembered ruefully, but then he was nuzzling a cheek against my chest, "But it was still something I always want to remember.It was..." He tried to put it into words, but there weren't any. It had felt like perfection and that's as close as I could come in defining it.

"Beautiful," I tried.

"Sexy as hell, too," Duo added, but then more seriously. "I knew, after that, we were going to stay together."

It was almost a question. "Forever," I agreed and rubbed in a soothing circular motion between his shoulders. It was coming, I knew. Duo was ready to tell me about his mission.

"Some people... They don't like what we have," Duo began. "That mission... I saw how ugly people can really get when they hate people like us. I don't... I know they say things to you... that message on the door..."

I held him tight and replied to his confusion, "They can hate all they want, Duo, but nothing will ever come between us."

Duo would sacrifice his life to keep the world safe. He wouldn't do less for me. I could feel his protective nature driving him toward the ultimate self sacrifice. "We were shadowing a rebel faction through the jungle," he whispered tightly. "They found out two of their members were sneaking off to have sex together. They... It was sickening what they did to them. Just when I think I've seen it all..." I could hear him swallow convulsively. He could see my danger in it, could see that hate touching me, and he was afraid for me.

"Don't," I growled. "That's not going to happen to me... to us."

"No, not like that," he agreed. It was too easy to think that we were in 'civilization' and that things like that couldn't happen in a clean, law abiding city. Having seen the underbelly of both the city and it's citizens, we knew it was faked naivete. Still, that civilization was something that we needed to believe in just then. "Still, they hate, and they want to separate us."

I grabbed the end of Duo's pony tail and gave it a twist around one hand. Twitching it, so that he looked up at me, I said firmly, "It doesn't matter what they do, or how they feel, I will not leave you. Life wouldn't be worth living, if that happened."

He had been ready to sacrifice his love for me, to keep me safe. Sometimes, Duo had to be saved from his own selflessness.

"Guess everyone can just go to hell, then," Duo said, "Since you insist on staying with me."

I nodded and he relaxed against me, the wind rustling through the leaves and the dappled sunshine playing over us. The tension bled out of us both, the mission over at last with that final revelation. Now, Duo could rest, for awhile, in my peace.

"Transfer?" Duo growled.

"Down town," Une told us as she looked over the rim of her glasses at us.

Seated before her large, wide desk, she seemed very imposing, and I felt, almost, as if we were back in school and facing a principal for some infraction. Back then, though, I had been comforted by the fact that I had been an armed terrorist, now, I was simply a clerk in Une's vast organization.

"Why?" Duo demanded, but I was sure that he knew the answer.

"Tension here has been unacceptable," Une replied as she steepled her fingers on her desk. "I think the situation can be alleviated by making the connection between the two of you less high profile. The position at our downtown office is comparable to Heero's currant one. He won't suffer any reduction in pay or seniority."

Duo looked at me. We made our own decisions. He wouldn't voice his obvious opinion before he heard what I had to say.

"We've already discussed this, Commander, and my answer is still the same. Our relationship follows Preventer guidelines," I replied with a formality bordering on regimental. "We are not in the same departments. We don't work together. Our work has been called exemplarily. There are no grounds for a separation."

Une sat back, clearly annoyed. "Let's cut to the chase, gentleman, and speak plainly... off the record. Your relationship is making trouble for Preventers. It gives people something to talk about besides our accomplishments. It gives people a loadstone for their aggressions. They hate two men having a relationship. They hate Duo Maxwell having a relationship with Heero Yuy, in particular. If you can manage to be more circumspect in your private life, and refrain from further public announcements about your affections, then a separation in the work place might signal to them, that they no longer have fill my desk with personal complaints and my work place with disruptive thugs that I have to spend my time disciplining.Your lives will become, certainly, easier as a result."

Duo's eyes stayed on me. My reasons for refusing her hadn't changed. The thought of being across town, when Duo returned from a mission, perhaps wounded and needing me, was unacceptable.

"I'm sorry, Commander Une," I replied. "I refuse to transfer."

She glared at me. "I can give a number of reasons to make your transfer mandatory."

"You could," I replied.

"I can also give a number of reasons to have you dismissed from your job entirely," she continued.

I was expecting Duo to jump to my defense, in outrage, but he surprised me by saying softly, "Maybe... Maybe you should consider it, Heero."

I looked at him, wide eyed, and saw the fear for me in his eyes. The mission, and it's horror, were there as well.

"What happens in a battle when you run?" I asked.

Duo stared at me, as if he were trying to read something there in my face, and then he smiled grimly. "They chase you," he replied.

If Une had been hoping for Duo to make me see reason, she saw, now, that it wasn't going to happen.

"If you pursue this any further," I told Une, "I'll be forced to file charges of discrimination. I don't wish to transfer."

"The offer will stay open," Une replied as Duo and I stood up. "You may feel the need to take it. I doubt that your situation will improve."

"It's your damned job to make sure that it does," Duo snapped back. "A safe work place is the law,Commander Une!"

Une had an expression that made the cold stare of a rattlesnake seem tame, by comparison. It followed us as we left her office. She wasn't happy. She didn't want our personal lives disrupting operations. I doubted that she was going to give up so easily.

TBC


	5. Wake

I can't say it was retaliation for my choice, but it was far too coincidental when Duo arrived back at headquarters, after a full scale fire fight, and I was denied admittance to the hanger. The man barring my way, didn't realize how close he was to reaching my breaking point. My emotions were never highest than when my worry for Duo was concerned.

"Listen," the man drawled, with a smirky grin that told me that was enjoying denying me entrance thoroughly, "You don't have the clearance. You're just a file clerk. Maybe someone was letting you get away with it before now, but things have tightened up. These guys don't need little clerks getting in their way."

He was a big man, muscled as if he spent most of his days working out. I was still a force to be reckoned with, but I'd grown slimmer, and I didn't keep up my exercises so religiously. I could take him, I thought, but not as easily as in the past.Fighting, though, was out of the question. This wasn't the war. This was a place of law and order. As much as I hated it, and hated that man just then, I couldn't use my fist to clear the path to Duo.

I could imagine Duo in the hanger, pumped up on adrenaline, and not feeling his wounds, or the fact that he might be on the raw edge of passing out. I could imagine his grin, and the fire in his eyes, while he did his report and made sure his team was taken care of. He'd push himself past all limits and no one would be there to care for him when it was all over.

"Don't you have work to do?" the man wondered in a tone that told me that he was about to make me leave. "I'm sure Maxwell doesn't need his wang taken care of right now."

The heat that hit my face, at his crude words, was hot enough to scald. I couldn't see for a few heartbeats as my heart lost its rhythm, and then I simply pointed a finger at the camera, positioned near the door, "That records sound as well," I told him.

The man squinted at it and then glared at me, "Good, then it can record you being where you're not supposed to and me telling you to get the hell out of here."

My hands were shaking. It was anger, seething through me, not fear, not intimidation, and it was getting past my ability to control it. The man was in serious danger.It had been a long time since I had felt that ready to do someone harm. I didn't want to go, but I knew that I had to. It was like leaving a bleeding chunk of my heart behind to ignore his triumphant snicker, his sneering taunt of, "Yeah, coward, just like everybody said." and walk away from that door, from my Duo. I hoped that he was all right. I hoped that he would understand.If he wasn't... If he didn't... I had rather graphic mental imagery of what I would do to that bastard keeping me away from the man I loved. Pacifism wouldn't matter, I realized, or life, if Duo...

I throttled my thoughts and my worries and reminded myself that Duo had done a damned good job of taking care of himself long before I had decided to help him do it. He wasn't a stupid man, just dedicated beyond reason; as dedicated to winning battles, to keeping the peace with force, as I was to keeping the peace through pacifism.That thought didn't comfort me as it should have. It only reminded me of how much of himself he was willing to give for his beliefs. It made me stop in the hallway, resolve faltering, and turn back.

I wasn't sure what I had decided to do, and I didn't want to think about it after, but, whatever my plan had been, it was short circuited by the agent who came running up to me.

"Yuy!" he panted. "Come on. Talk reason into that bastard!"

I felt fear then, but it was all for Duo, as I hurried into the hanger, ignoring the agent guarding the door completely.

"Status?" I demanded of the man hurrying by my side.

He didn't hesitate to supply, "No gunshots, or laser burns, as far as I can see, but he's been working with a virus, for three days now, and he looks dead on his feet. He needed to be in medical yesterday, but the fucking idiot won't stand down, even now."

He hadn't, because it was chaos that greeted me. They had heavy, dangerous equipment and weapons that needed to be accounted for and stored, wounded, walking and otherwise, that were being spot checked and then taken out of the transport by order of severity, and captured rebels that were handcuffed, but still needing guards and processing. The ship was pockmarked with blast marks, it's engines were smoking and still heating the air in waves, and the cargo doors were open and spilling out men and machines as if it were hemorrhaging from a gaping wound.

"There!" my guide said and pointed to the top of the cargo ramp.

Duo stood there, back against the hot metal hatch frame, hair whipping about from the force of an engine having trouble powering down, shouting orders. He looked angry, face filthy, black jumpsuit torn and hanging with weapons, and an air mask draped down, telling me who had ended up piloting at the end. White, was my first thought; he looked like a ghost, a tragic captain of a Flying Dutchmen, presiding over the ship of the damned. The groaning and cries of the wounded made that image seem even more valid.

I didn't run to him, though I felt every fiber of my body wanting to do just that.I knew Duo better than that. I understood the situation, as well, perfectly. Our eyes met, whether he had been looking for me all along or not, I couldn't tell, but he was aware of me that quickly. Can you embrace in a look? Can you have an entire conversation in the glint in a purple eye? We managed it. I turned away from him and began helping the men around me, ignoring my startled companion. The only way to get Duo to stand down, was to complete his mission.

After shoving a laser cannon into a lock down position, along with six other men, and turning to find another task, it was then that I saw the agent, arm in a sling, head down, and trying to yank the controls on the engine from a top hatch.Not a good way to do it, but considering the situation, a quick one. I saw his precarious situation, and his inability to keep his balance, and was up the side of the huge, hot carrier, between one breath and the next. Service handholds helped me, but it was sheer muscle power, and the strength of my fingers, getting me most of the way up. A running engine is a damned dangerous thing, and a man is supposed to stay clear of them, if he values his life. The agent was topside, but probably feeling the rumble and heat through his feet. I had to pass the sucking feeling, the blast furnace heat, and cling to the side of a trembling bulk of armor plating along side it.

When I reached the agent, I tangled a hand in his coat. He was pale from wounds and looking dazed, some autopilot inside of him having driven him to the dangerous job despite how he was feeling. He gave me a glazed look, frowned, and began to say something along the lines of, "But you're Duo's...I'm supposed to watch out for you..." before I had him sitting down and my own hands in the mess of wires and connectors in the service hatch.

Watch out for me? I thought. That could mean so many things.I shoved it out of my mind to concentrate and had the engine powering down in under a minute. It gave me a feeling of satisfaction, hearing the noise level fall and knowing that everyone could work without that dangerous distraction. Slapping the hatch closed again, I hooked an arm under the agent's good one and helped him to safer ground.

I threw myself back into the job of helping others, desperate for it to be over and for Duo to be able to rest. It took a long time, but the bay cleared, and everything and everyone was finally secured. Duo sat down on hard metal, then, head in his hands, and his braid snaking over the edge of the cargo plane ramp . One of his team bent to talk to him anxiously while he waved over a medic. A weary man began to walk up the ramp towards them, but I was faster. I crouched by Duo, carefully putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Duo?"

His eyes blinked and then he turned his head to look at me, as if his head weighed more than his body, and he said raspily, "Honey, I'm home."

The agent looked uncomfortable as I laughed, touched my forehead to Duo's dirty one, and then made way for the medic. The no nonsense man, looked totally centered on his job. I doubt that he cared what we were to each other, or even if Duo was a multi colored llama. He had a job, a duty, and he was ready to perform it to the best of his ability.

After checking Duo over, the medic growled, "You have a bad case of pneumonia, aggravated by a lack of giving a shit, Commander Maxwell. I suggest that you get your dumb ass to the infirmary, stat, before you get cozy with a morgue slab.Should I call for a gurney, or will you continue with the heroic bullshit and insist on walking there?"

Duo stared, open mouthed, closed it, and then replied meekly, "Uhm, yeah, call for it."

That told me just how bad he was and my heart clenched. Duo gave me an amused smile, though, as he leaned into me and I wrapped arms around him to support him. "You'd just insist on carrying me the whole way," Duo snickered as his eyes began drifting shut. "I'll save you the trouble..." and then he was out and I was the one shouting for the gurney.

----------------------------------------------------

Duo spent two days in the hospital, being pumped with antibiotics, fluids, and lectures about taking care of himself. He didn't take any of it well, and tried to finish his reports and check on his team, even when he could barely raise his head up from his pillow. I helped him complete his mission, appointing myself his go between with headquarters, and he was able to rest after he was certain everything was taken care of.

When he was released from the hospital, and back in his own bed at home, he was more than willing to sleep and let me care for him, at least for the first few days. After that, it was a fight against his need to always be in motion. I contemplated tying him down, when he insisted I return to work, and then tried to take his motorcycle for a ride. I came home for lunch, to check on him, and found him cursing with his helmet in one hand.

"You took the keys!" Duo accused, leaning against the bike and looking ready to fall over.

"Because I'm not a fool," I growled back. "I know you!"

I helped him back to bed, yanking off his shoes and leather jacket, and pushing him back into the pillows. The blankets were a battle ground against boredom, strewn with crossword puzzles, remotes to vids and music, books, and his laptop, open and skewed on it's side.

"I can't leave you if I can't trust you," I said as I righted the laptop and began cleaning up.

Duo caught my wrist, his grip hard and his expression fierce. "Stop acting like the maid, or my nurse. I can do all that myself."

Duo pulled me to the bed and I sat down. I grabbed his mussy braid and gave it a jerk, before wrapping it around one hand.

"Punishment accepted," Duo chuckled, coughed, and then became serious. "Okay, I admit that I was about to forget the idea when you showed up. I was out of breath just getting down to the garage. I was being stupid."

Drugs were busy cleaning up his lungs, but Duo still had two weeks before he could hope to be cleared for duty. I wasn't sure that I could convince him to rest until then.I could be as much of a workaholic as he was, and I admit that I felt irritation that I had to contemplate taking more time off of work. I wasn't a nursemaid. I had as little patience as he did. Yes, he was far more important than anything else in my life, but it was only human to wish that he could behave and that he wasn't taking his confinement with less grace than a five year old.

"Sorry," Duo sighed, sensing my mood. "I don't know why, but sitting still just eats me alive after awhile."

I didn't say anything as ridiculous as, 'It's all right.' It wasn't. He was endangering his life with his hyperactive nature.

Duo coughed and it sounded as if he were bringing up a lung. He went pale, closed his eyes, and then said, "You go back to work. I promise to be a good boy."

"You promised that when I left this morning," I reminded him sourly, but I pushed off my shoes and climbed into bed with him.

"You're going to be late getting back to work," Duo warned, but he made room for me.

"Tough shit, " I replied.

"I like when you act all bad ass and insubordinate," Duo snickered, as I forced him to lean against me and rest his cheek against my chest. He looked up, purple eyes amused, and then I felt his hand wander.

"Don't," I growled. "I do have to go back to work and you're not in any shape for that."

"Spoil sport," Duo chuckled and then coughed again. "Okay," he said when he could, "I guess I'm not."

"Duo..." I tried not to make it sound like a lecture, but it was. I had to tell him why he had to stay in bed, to let the drugs work properly, and what wandering around town, in his condition, could do to him. When I was done, feeling as if I had just volunteered for motherhood, and not liking it, I realized that he had fallen asleep.

I slipped out from under Duo and put the blanket over him. Smoothing hair from his eyes I said, "Stop being an idiot. Maybe this isn't a wound that needed eighty stitches, but it can be just as deadly." He murmured something, only half aware of me.When he called later, demanding to know what the hell I had for brains, I was more than ready to defend my decision to hire a nurse.

"She looks like an ex Oz interrogation expert!" Duo complained, keeping his voice low, so that, presumably, the woman couldn't hear him. "She wants forms filled out in triplicate, with a detailed explanation, if I even want to go take a piss!"

"I think she did say something about working for Oz," I blandly replied as I shuffled file disks on my desk at headquarters.

"Heero, this isn't necessary!" Duo complained.

"It was either her or a leg restraint," I replied. "Take your choice."

"I hate you," Duo groused. "I take back all of that love stuff..."

I felt a sinking depression, though I knew he didn't mean it. It was the stress, I knew, and my worry for him. My silence must have warned him.

"You know I love you?" Duo quickly amended. "I was just... I'm an asshole, aren't I? Why do you put up with my shit?"

"Because I love you," I replied, finding a smile.

"I'm glad," he said and his voice sounded warm. "Okay, I'll be a good boy, but she may torture all of our secrets out of me by the end of the day... I hope you don't mind if she finds out that you like romance novels and having your toes sucked?"

I blushed. "As a matter of fact, I do. Try to hold out until I get home."

He laughed and we hung up. It was then that I noticed several people in my office glaring at me with different levels of disgust and anger. I wasn't surprised, later, to find my locker defaced with black marker. 'Cocksucker' was written in large letters. I glared, and then called the janitor to have it cleaned off.

TBC


	6. Bind

"He's been suspended." She said it coolly, but I could feel her anger. 

He was a good agent, the man who had decided to vent on my locker, and she had needed him for a mission. Assigning someone else, who might turn out to be less competent, endangered lives. I felt guilt, for that, but I knew better than to back down. I had him on the locker security feed, angrily using a fat marker to scrawl his message. It showed a lack of judgment and a lack of discipline. My other tormentors hadn't shown that level of incompetence, and had been careful to avoid being caught that way. It was almost as if he didn't care, or maybe, he had assumed that others wouldn't take action and that they would approve.

"Yuy," Une chose her next words carefully. "It won't stop, you know? I can discipline a hundred people, but there will be more out there, both Preventer and civilian, who-"

"I do realize that." I was the angry one now, standing before her and hearing the implication that abuse towards me was inevitable. "We don't cease to stop criminals, simply because there are more out there."

There was a tightness around her mouth, then, her irritation deepening."You practice pacifism, but your very actions invite conflict."

"Because I am determined never to kill again, doesn't mean that I won't protect myself," I assured her. "If this escalates into more than name calling, they won't find me an easy victim."

She sat back in her chair and made a sound of exasperation. "This is something that I would like to avoid. What we do keeps the peace. If we are hampered by suspensions and inquiries, we become dangerously ineffective. At least allow me to isolate you to an office of your own, so that your interaction with the rest of my agents is kept to a minimum."

I wanted to say, no. I wanted to stand up and confront those who wanted to see me, and my relationship with Duo, fail, by being 'in their face' and defiant every day. I had refused transfers and promotions to do that very thing.The fact was, though, that I was tired of the fight, exhausted by my concern for Duo, and by my daily struggle to simply get through a day without finding evidence of the hatred towards me. Couldn't I be forgiven for wanting some peace? That last incident, in public view, had hurt more than I cared to admit even to myself. The promise of an office, a place where I could close a door, and lock them out, where I could call Duo and say the things that I really wished to say, without anyone hearing, and judging, was too tempting.

"All right, I accept," I heard myself say and felt like a coward.

Une was relieved. "Good. I'll arrange it and have the office ready in the morning."

I nodded and turned to go, not really thinking that I had made the right decision, when her next words made me pause.

"Your actions in the hanger were exemplarily, by the way," Une said. "I'm not about to discipline you for being in an unauthorized area, when you were clearly competent and needed."

I nodded again, though I didn't think that what I had done had been anything special. Every man and woman in that hanger had been exemplarily, as well, and I had simply been lending a hand.

"Your own office?" Duo purred as he wrapped himself around me, from behind, in our bed. "That has a lot of possibilities."

Duo was not a complicated thinker. That isn't saying that he's a fool, or stupid. He simply doesn't delve underneath to find the deeper meaning of things. I have a new office? That's a step up and very nice for me. He didn't stop to consider that I was, in effect, being quarantined from the rest of Preventers.I suppose it was also trust, trust that I can take care of myself. He didn't have any reason to suspect that things might have gone beyond my ability to handle, especially when I didn't believe it myself. Arrogance? It's hard to think that after everything I'd been through. A few disgruntled agents didn't seem threatening after fighting against incredible odds in a war.

"You're still sick," I pointed out as something firm pressed into my backside. I ignored it and turned the page of the book I had been trying, in vain, to read for the last five minutes. He had wanted company in his sick bed, but he wasn't about to settle for simple comfort.

"It'll make me feel better," Duo breathed in my ear."Honest."

Duo wasn't often the 'aggressor'. He teased, he played, and he liked to be the strong one, but, in the end, he was under me, more often that not. He liked to run his hands over me, he told me, and to see my face over him. He loved the feel of me inside him and he said that he felt a sense of possessing me that was at all odds with our position. At other times, he simply wanted to pound into me in a very primeval way, and that was something that I could understand. It fulfilled every need of mine, emotionally and physically, to push into him as deeply as I could and to utterly 'have' him.

"And Gregory sighed and wondered if he should ever see Martin again:the strength and beauty of him making that thought unendurable..." Duo read over my shoulder. He snickered and I hit him on the head with the book in retaliation.

"It's historical," I explained.

"I don't remember that part of 'The life of Gregory Barlow; satellite engineer', in my history classes," Duo teased.

"You remember?" I retorted.

He pressed closer and nibbled on my neck. "If I'd known there was hot sex, between him and his assistant, I would have paid more attention."

I was reacting, despite myself, and his hand slid around to feel it. He chuckled in my ear."Let me drive," he begged. "I'll stay under the speed limit, promise."

It had been awhile. When he tugged down my shorts, we were both ready, ready to decide that, maybe, Duo wasn't too ill for something slow and easy. When he used precum to lube himself, and then push in from behind, I was more than ready to let my book slide from my fingers and for those fingers to grip the blankets tight.Gregory and Martin weren't as good as the real thing. Nothing could come close to the passion that we had for each other.

When a man is determined, he can find satisfaction in a record amount of time, and I wasn't about to allow Duo a long ride. The feel of him inside of me, sliding in and out, and the tight grip he had on me, was more than enough to take me over the edge. I wasn't prepared, though, for him to roll me onto my stomach, and for him to rise above me, long pony tail snaking down onto my back, so that he could pound into me more effectively.

He panted, sounding hoarse, and I could feel his arms tremble against where he touched my skin, But he wanted this, wanted me, and I couldn't find it in myself to stop him. He released, hot and heavy, into me, and made a deep groan, before sprawling, bonelessly, over my body.

"Dizzy," he complained, because he couldn't get air into his still agitated lungs.

"Stupid," I growled back and rolled until we were facing each other. I pushed bangs out of his flushed face to see if he was all right, ignoring the wetness and the discomfort of just having been thoroughly pounded into the mattress.

Duo grinned and closed his eyes against the dizziness. "Worth it," he panted. "That was good."

We were quiet, then, until he caught his breath and then he surprised me.

"So, do you think," he said against my collar as he nuzzled close, "that, when they write about us, they'll leave out the part where we shag each other?"

"Shag?" It hurt, that reminder of my troubles, but I didn't let it show. He was just joking, after all. "It's okay," I replied, "the historical romances will get it right."

That made him laugh outright and bring me in for a kiss.

I was supposed to send a secretary for everything that I needed. He was eager to please and, strangely, didn't seem to know who I was, but his position just outside of my office, made him seem more like a guard than a secretary. I was finding it hard to explain exactly what I needed as well. Part of the thrill of my job, had been in the hunt. Trying to coordinate his search with my vague hunches, had made him confused and me frustrated.I quickly began to send him on bogus errands while I slipped off to do the real searches.

As for my office, it would have been easy to like the isolation that let me concentrate, if the real reason for that isolation hadn't been to keep others away from me. I don't suppose Une's grand plan, included me continuing to haunt archives, or for me to still need to have my lunch in the Preventer commissary. I'm sure, if it were up to her, everything would have been brought to me, and a special elevator would have taken me directly to my car.

My tormentors, whether mollified by my absence, or under threat from Une, kept from making their threats and insults for the first few days. After that, though, they were all treated to a councilling session on diversity and a video on harassment in the work place. It only reawakened their resentment. It wasn't the same, in their minds, I suppose. I wasn't just a gay fellow worker, I was the fag who was making their hero look like a fool, a pervert, and less than a man. Their hate for me, was personal.

I had won something on that day that I had helped a crippled ship and crew, though, a bit of respect.I had reminded, at least some of them, that I didn't refrain from violence because of cowardice, or a loss of my abilities. I was still Heero Yuy, stronger than most, and trained like no other soldier on earth. Sitting behind a desk hadn't change that completely. I found out just how much respect I had gained when three men decided to block my path in an almost deserted corridor.

"Looks like someone's escaped his cage," One, large man snickered.

"Maybe, without Maxwell around, he's gone into heat and he's looking for some guy to-" another began, but a voice behind them startled them into turning.

I remembered the pilot that I had helped. His arm was in a sling, and his face still bruised, but his expression was anger, not pain."I'd ask if you needed any help, Mr. Yuy," he said, "Except I know you can break these idiots in half without half trying.Instead, I'll just warn them, that I outrank them and that my report on this incident will be on Une's desk, today."

They were close to confronting the man, staking their claim to their victim, but the first man slapped the second man on his chest, to get his attention, and he said, "Sorry, sir, but you can see what's going on here."

"No, I can't, so I suggest that you get back to work, while Une decides whether you have a job to go back to or not," the man growled.

They left, and I had the distinct feeling that I should be watching my back even more closely from now on.

"Mr. Yuy," the pilot said, "I want to thank you for your assist in the hanger."

I was always uncomfortable with praise. It never seemed a special thing, when I used my abilities. I had them, just as I had my right arm. A man wasn't thanked for having a right arm. "It was my duty," I replied, a little too stiffly.

He accepted my short response without a blink, too eager to get to what he wanted to say next. "I know that Commander Maxwell has said that you don't want to go into positions that might lead to killing, but there are many important positions where your expertise is sorely needed. The ground crew, the tactical rooms,the-"

"Thank you, but I'm not interested in those positions," Heero told him. "It isn't just about not wanting to kill.I don't want to be in the thick of fighting ever again. I can do a lot of good where I am now and still keep my peace."

The man didn't respond with the usual anger. He only sighed, adjusted his sling, and said, "Maxwell's explained enough times, but you can see why we want to keep trying?"

I nodded, but I didn't really want to get into arguments over it once again.

The pilot jerked a finger at where the men had disappeared. "Those guys are jerks. We don't care who Maxwell gets into bed with after he's done fighting. We just care that he kicks ass when he's with us. At least you wouldn't have to put up with that with us."

I doubted it. Accepting me, when I was out of sight, was one thing, but I didn't think that I would escape the prejudice if I put myself nearer to Duo, where they had to deal with me every day.

The man surprised me, though, when he said, "We do have other gay guys with us." When I raised eyebrows, he snickered, "You aren't the only one, you know?"

It startled a laugh out of me. "They make it easy to think so," I admitted.

"I'll bet," he commiserated and then punched his knuckles against my arm lightly. "Okay, Mr. Yuy. If you change your mind, we're willing to have you on board. Tell Maxwell to get better and to get his ass back to work."

"I will." I watched him go and found a smile. It was nice to not be as alone as I had thought.

"Slow," I said as I spotted Duo in the Preventer gym.

It wasn't my usual haunt. I exercised at a gym just a block away from our home, liking the anonymity of a small, backdoor building, with a few older boxers training in the rings, and a few casual patrons using outdated machines. Having eyes watch us in complete disgust, as I made sure that Duo didn't drop a barbell on his chest, made me more than uncomfortable. Duo had insisted, though, wanting that small workout, to regain his strength, while he was still on suspended duty, and wanting to be back, again, in the atmosphere of Preventers, that he loved so well.

Duo hated looking weak. I was there to keep him from overdoing it, and to shield him, as best I could, so that people couldn't see how he sweated, and how his arms trembled with effort. The illness had taken his strength and he meant to have it back, I made sure he did it on human terms, and didn't hurt himself further.

Duo finished and I handed him a towel after putting the barbells back on the stand behind his head.. He wiped his face with it and then snickered, "I can see right up your shorts from here, you realize?"

I blushed just a little and knew it for the distraction it was. He didn't want to seem weak in front of me either. He was giving himself enough time to gather the strength to sit up. I let him, playing the game with him.

"There's nothing to see," I replied. "I have underwear on."

Duo looked disappointed. "Not even a jockstrap..."

I glared in disapproval and then swept my eyes down his body, at the long, hard waist, the bulge in his short, and the long legs after that.All muscle, honed for impossible missions. There wasn't anything more handsome, I thought, and then swept my eyes back to his face and saw concern there. I realized, that he thought that I was judging him.

"I wish we were alone," I told him and saw the devil in his eyes again, and a bit of relief.

"Well, when you get done with your set, you can take me home and we can make that more than an innuendo," Duo promised.

I frowned again and looked around us. We had been keeping our voices low, no more than whispers, but we were surrounded by agents doing their exercises .I didn't feel comfortable there and I certainly didn't want to exercise in front of their open hostility.

"Desk jockey," Duo teased. "Are you afraid you won't lift more weights than me?"

"It has been awhile..." I lied. He knew I was lying, too, and laughed lightly as he motioned to the empty bench next to him. "Come on, Mr. Yuy. Show me what you got."

I tried to slide out of it by saying," I don't have a spotter."

Duo's eyes swept the room for someone we could trust. "Myers!" he barked and it was embarrassing the way the man appeared instantly at his side, hero worship plain in every line of his body. "Heero needs a spotter."

The man was eager to do anything for Duo.I was only interested in how strong he was. He seemed competent.

I flexed my arms, to get my muscles prepared, and Duo grinned at me appreciatively. I suppose that made up my mind, more than anything else. I could be vain in front of Duo, far too eager to show him that I was worth his attention. There was an eroticism in it as well. I was showing off for my mate, as simplistic as that sounded. Whatever it was, it was all male.

Duo rolled onto one arm to watch, and directed Myers as the man began piling on the weights. "More," Duo kept saying, whenever the man paused. The man began to look astonished and then a little fearful. We were getting to a weight that he wouldn't be able to stop if my arms failed me. Duo was good at knowing the limits of his men, though. When he said, stop, finally, he seemed confident.

"That looks too heavy, sir," Myers dared.

I took my position and looked up at him, glad that I wasn't seeing hatred there. "It is a little light,actually," I replied, making him go wide eyed. "But I think it'll give me a workout."

Duo chuckled and it became all for him after that. My lover wanted to see me flex muscle. My spectators didn't matter. I lifted the bar easily, muscle and bone pushing upward with frightening ease. I did a few reps and then settled it back down in its stand.

"Gregory!" Duo called. "Mr. Yuy needs a bit more help."

I blinked at him, but Duo was looking around the room in calculation. Our audience had grown and no one seemed to be using the machines. When another man joined the first, and they loaded more weights onto the bar, I could see them doubting my ability to lift it.

My muscles were up to the challenge. I pushed it up and held it, liking the appreciative sound that Duo made. I would have lifted a mountain to hear his pleasure in me.

"Are you good?" Duo suddenly asked.

I turned my head and saw him smiling down at me as I said, "Yes." He had regained his strength enough to stand, but I doubted his strength to do what he did next.He climbed up on my bench and sat at the center of my barbell. He looked down at me between his legs.

"I know exactly how much you can lift," Duo told me softly. "Show these assholes what you can do, lover."

He waited for my nod and then lifted his legs, hands keeping him balanced on the bar. I held him up, along with the weight, and felt a bit of burn, but it wasn't beyond me. I heard some appreciative voices all around us, but a few disgusted comments. Duo had made his point, though, and I couldn't help feeling glad as he bent, smiled at me, and then climbed off. If anyone had been thinking of physical retaliation, they would think twice now.

TBC


	7. Rev

Saying no to Duo was worse than spitting in the wind. He could only take inaction so long before every fiber of him rebelled.A dirt track, a bike that he had made from scratch, and dangerous ravines on either side, were part of the recipe that he liked to call, 'having fun'. I called it slow torture, because I was forced to watch it on the sidelines, up on a rise of dirt and rock, and hope that he didn't break his damned neck. It was his way of showing me that he was really ready to return to work, as well, and that he wasn't just fooling the medics into signing his re-activation papers.

Braid tucked into his suit, and helmet over his head, his bike, and his skill, were the only things that identified him in the pack of other insane bikers trying to race each other to the finish line. Since that was a cooler of ice cold beer, the competition was fierce.My only comfort, was that Quatre Winner was in that pack as well, though he had as little sway as I did when it came to getting Duo to see reason.

I had tried to join the madness only once, but Duo had frowned and given me his patented 'Cut the shit, Yuy,' look. He wasn't about to let me do something that didn't interest me, simply to watch over him.I had set up a chair on the rise, a book tossed into the seat, and told him that I was more interested in catching some sun and reading, but I hadn't turned one page of that book, and the seat of the chair was getting lots of sun.I couldn't rest until he was done, and safe, and back at my side.

Quatre's ever present guards were set up along the track, guarding one of the most important men on Earth and in space, and Trowa, who shadowed him when he wasn't doing his own brand of 'having fun' in the circus, was watching not far from me. I doubt that we had exchanged a dozen words since our lovers had joined the race, but we understood each other. We were both anxious, both completely centered on using force of will to get those two men to the finish line safely.

Duo almost spilled his bike to avoid another biker, who had slid in the dirt, and I bit my lip hard, clenching my hands into fists, until he regained control. A large rock had been too close. I know he'd scraped an arm against it. Not for the first time, I cursed the person who had made the track. Men of their caliber, couldn't run a normal course, of course. It had to have it's dangers, it's chances for death. It was only by their extreme skill that serious injury had been avoided so far.

Quatre popped a wheelie over a high rise. I imagined him laughing, pumped up on adrenaline, as he came down in a spray of dirt. Duo revved his bike at the top of the same rise and his wheels left the ground, coming down hard yards on the other side.For a moment they were matched, a white dirt bike and a jet black one, both covered in dirt, racing down the track side by side, their riders looking like wild teenagers as they reached out to one another and slapped gloved palms. Then Duo was pulling ahead, cutting it far too close around a patch of deeper dirt.

Quatre bogged down in that same dirt, wheels spinning as he tried to follow Duo, but Duo was racing ahead and crossing the 'finish line', already, the bold blue cooler sitting out temptingly on the track.

I let out a sigh of relief as Duo hopped off his bike and greeted the losers with an open cooler, tossing beer cans right and left into eager hands. Quatre pulled off his helmet, shaking out his gold curls and laughing good naturedly at Duo, as he refused the beer and took the bottle of water that one of his guards handed to him. Duo popped his beer can top and saluted him before taking a long swig. That signaled the end of the event.

I folded my chair, tucked my book under my arm, and turned to go and join him. I found Trowa watching me, amused. I stopped with a frown. I suppose that I was over sensitive, but I had reason to be. I didn't have reason to be that sensitive with Trowa Barton, though, and I rethought the words that wanted to come out of my mouth. None of them were deserved.This man had been a good friend during the war, a constant companion when it would have been better for him to forget even my name.

Trowa said, sensing that he needed to explain himself, "You were the best soldier, trained like no other, but I knew that you were like a zebra forced to wear spots. It wasn't who you truly were."

I didn't want to remember those dark days and my smile was a bit brittle as I replied, "I followed my emotions, in the end."

"Despite everyone," Trowa said, and then nodded to where our men were having a good time."Which is why we indulge their madness.They follow their emotions as well." He chuckled as I smiled, and he followed me down from our rise of ground, to make sure Quatre and Duo were all right.

It was a two edged sword, our determination to be who were were. It meant that we had to allow the people that we loved the most, their freedom as well.

Duo slung a filthy arm around my neck and pulled me in for a hug, as I made it to his side."Did you see that sweet jump, Heero?!" he exclaimed as he tossed off his helmet and plopped it down on his bike seat. His eyes were bright with adrenalin as he yanked his braid out of his jacket, one handed, as if he couldn't stand it trapped for long.

"Madness," Trowa snorted as he took Quatre's helmet as his lover bent to check his bike. "You could have landed on that pointed rock to your left."

"But I didn't!" Duo protested. "I had it planned, don't worry."

"I missed it," I said in a bored tone. "I was too busy reading."

"Liar!" Quatre and Duo said at the same time and then laughed.

Duo ruffled my hair with his gloved hand and looked into my eyes. "I know you worry, but I know what I'm doing."

I didn't go into how he wasn't in control of accidents, but he didn't need to hear that. He knew it as well as I did. I also didn't ask how he was, in front of all of his friends. I saw that he looked a little pale and tired, but that he was doing all right.It was his moment to shine and I didn't have to worry about what anyone thought, as he drank his beer and kept me tight against him, as he argued the pros and cons of the race with the others. The bikes and the race were everything. 'Side ornaments' were there just to fetch beer and take home the wounded.

When the party broke up, and everyone began walking their bikes to their vehicles, Duo finally showed that his arm was hurting him. I handed him the chair, and my book, and pushed the bike myself. I didn't ask how bad it was until I had the dirt caked machine locked down.

"I saw you hit that rock," I said. "Should I get the med kit?"

Duo grimaced as he flexed it. "Bruised. It'll be okay, though."

I grunted and decided to drive. As we pulled away from the track, Duo sunk in his eat and closed his eyes. He looked a little depressed.

"Cut yourself some slack," I told him with a growl. "Of course you're tired, but you will get better, as long as you don't over do it."

He rolled eyes at me and smiled, "Yeah, I know, but I get tired of being so damned tired." He frowned, a thought occurring to him. "I wonder if this is what it's like being old... just tired all the time?"

I glanced at him and then wondered what he would look like with a bald spot, graying hair, and lines in his face. I tried to imagine him being more excited by a vid show than hopping on a dirt bike and risking his life. The images wouldn't come. I grinned and he frowned at me.

"What's so damned funny?" Duo wanted to know.

"When you're a hundred," I replied, "you'll still be parachuting out of planes, trying out your new and improved dirt bikes, and saving the world. Age won't change that."

He thought about that and then agreed. "Okay, so I'll be a geriatric daredevil. What will you be doing when you're a hundred?"

"Planting huge gardens, reading War and Peace instead of romance novels, and discovering new and improved ways to organize Preventer files," I replied.

He frowned, considering whether I was joking or not. "What about the midlife crisis thing? Maybe you'll decide to run off with a guy half your age and train elite warriors in a hidden dojo in the Himalayas?"

I laughed. "You've been watching too many movies." I became serious then, reached out, and took his hand. "Whatever I decide to do, you'll be there with me."

"Ditto," he replied. He closed his eyes again, then, content, and was asleep before I pulled onto the interstate for home.

"It's only two days," Duo insisted as he shoved in one last t-shirt into his duffel bag. He eyed the inside critically and then tied it shut.

"Then why are you packing as if you don't expect to come back for a week?" I demanded, arms crossed as I leaned against the door jam to our bedroom.

Duo paused, rubbed the back of his neck, and then turned with the duffel over one shoulder. He looked steady, strong, and bright eyed. He had a doctor's written report stating that he was one hundred percent. He had Une's blessing. I couldn't shake the worry, though, and that may have been what was driving his evasiveness.

"It could, possibly, go longer," he admitted reluctantly,"but that's not a sure thing. You know how it is, Heero. If we can't pin down the bad guy, if he makes a run for it, we have to take up the chase. I just want to make sure I'm fighting in clean underwear, if that happens."

I laughed and he grinned. I pulled him to me and held him hard, breathing in the scent of him, and wanting the feel of him to last me until he returned. "Get them, love."

"That's 'Go get 'em', idiot," Duo snickered.

"That, too," I amended and then let him go.

He was a Preventer agent then; professional, mind on the mission, and ready to give all that he had to succeed. Having watched him put on every conceivable weapon, dress in his green fatigues, check all of his ID and electronic gadgetry, the hardest part, strangely, had been watching him braid his hair. I suppose it bothered me because it was his way of mentally separating his home life from his professional one. The braid was for work, for dedication, for sacrifice, for his life without me. I could almost say that I hated it, if I didn't love him so much. I wondered, remembering our conversation after the dirt bike race, what he would do when he aged enough to lose it. I couldn't see that happening, though. He would probably still braid whatever straggle of gray hair he had left to him... until the end.

I shook myself at that thought. Death was always on Duo's right hand. I didn't need to strengthen his position there by thinking about dying from old age. In my darker moments, I think I doubted that Duo would ever live that long. His life was just too damned dangerous and he loved riding the edge far too much. If he wasn't in Preventers, it would be something else, drawing him to it's danger like a moth to a flame.

He gave me a kiss before he went out of our front door, but then paused when he saw the shadow in my eyes. "Heero?"

I blinked and smiled for him. "Thinking too much," I admitted.

"Don't," he retorted lovingly. "I'm the one that needs to worry. Let me get all the worry lines, okay? You just take care of things here, needlepoint, read books, arrange flowers, and- "

He dodged a blow that was only half faked as I scowled at him. I hated when he treated me as if I was the 'little wife' being left home while her man went off to battle, and he knew it.It distracted me, though, just as he had planned, I'm sure. I gripped him by both arms, hard, then, and said fiercely, "Keep your damned head down and don't do anything stupid."

"Yes, sir," he chuckled, pulled one arm loose to salute me, and then kissed me again, deeply, before he pulled away, and walked down the driveway to his car.

I didn't have time to watch him go any further than that. I had to be at work and I wasn't the type to be late.

When I reached my desk at headquarters, I barely read the crude message someone had taped to my chair. I crumpled it and tossed it into the garbage can automatically, and sat down to begin working immediately. So much for an office making my presence more tolerable. I wanted to drown myself in work, then, and shut out everything else.I was glad that my in box was full.

Most of the messages were the usual requests for files, one was a last message from Duo with a smiley face and a heart, that made me feel better at once, and , near the bottom, was a message from a source that I didn't recognize. I mulled over the unknown name for a moment, bothered by my lack of recognition,and then opened it. A picture appeared on my computer screen.

I did grab for the gun that I didn't have, my blood turning to ice, and an inarticulate sound erupting from my throat, before my brain registered that the picture of Duo, bloody and hanging in the arms of two men, was from the war.The men's uniforms had been doctored to look like street clothes, but the editing job was sloppy, and Duo had been left in his old priestly black and white. The words underneath were cruder than the ones that had been taped to my chair. Someone had a very clear idea about what he wanted to do to fags.

I saved the information on a data stick and rose to take it straight to Une. I was hot with anger. I wanted who ever had sent that to me to pay for making me feel that awful moment of terror for the man that I loved. If the perpetrator had been in front of me, just then, I couldn't have guaranteed that I wouldn't have gone over that line that I had made for myself.

Duo always complains about my anal nature.This time, it saved lives. Whoever had sent the messages, hadn't known that I had been off of work the previous day. That's when he had sent the picture. The one that I quickly opened, making sure that an agent didn't need my immediate help, before I went to find Une, was the bomb threat that he had sent that morning.

Ignoring the 'stick this up your ass, Preventer fags,' I quickly read where he rambled on long enough to tip me off to the location of the bomb. The old file room.The place that I knew better than anyone else there.

I blew through the main office at a run, as I flipped open my cell phone and called Une directly, by passing her secretary.

"What's the hurry, Yuy?" a man sneered. "Missing out on a lingerie sale?"

"Who was that and who are you?" Une asked in my ear. "I'll have him written up as soon as I get out of this meeting. As for you, it'd better be good, or you'll be written up too. My personal line isn't for your amusement."

"This is Yuy," I told her. "Get the bomb squad down to the old file room and clear the building. I received an email bomb threat and he gave the file room as the location of the bomb."

"Shit!" Une said and there was the sound of a chair being flung back. "Get bomb squad down to the old file room!" she bellowed. "I want this building cleared! Now! Move! You're not moving fast enough! I mean, now!"

An alarm started going off as I entered the emergency stairwell, leaving the elevator for the bomb squad, and began sliding down metal stair rails at a dangerous speed. I nearly flipped over, half way down, but caught myself, said, 'The hell with it!', and then let myself drop to the next level rather than take time regaining my balance.

Lights flicked on automatically as I reached floor level, flung myself through the door, and crossed the hall into the old file room. Musty air filled my laboring lungs, but it was a familiar smell, and I ignored my own coughing to charge, full tilt, down several long, metal rows of shelving. I found the long box tucked in between old files and simply stared death in the face.

My mind switched to soldier mode. I flipped out my cell and called Une again. "Where are they?"

"They should be reaching the file room... now," Une told me and I heard the men come running into the room.

"Back here!" I called.

"Are you there, in the file room?" Une said over the cell, shocked. "Get out, now. Let them handle it."

"As soon as I show them where it is," I replied.

She didn't ask how I knew, and neither did the men who showed up in blast suits, dragging equipment.

"Hey, look!" one of the men sneered, his voice muffled by his helmet, "It's Maxwell's boyfriend. Riding Maxwell's tool not exciting enough for you?"

"Shut it!" another man, Agent Lorimer, I recalled, growled as he pulled a containment robot into position and another man adjusted the remote. "How long we got, Yuy?"

"Didn't say," I replied. "I just found the email. It gave me enough information to know that it was here, but nothing else." I didn't tell them that I had guessed from the bomber's whine, about mold and mildew, and using the bomb to clean up more than fags, where he had put it. The section had been a pure guess.

A man eyed the section where the bomb was innocently sitting. He snorted. "It's in our section, ballistics and explosives. That's damned funny."

"Get out," the first man snarled at me. "We don't need your kind of expertise." That sentence was loaded with innuendo.I wondered why he bothered with it. It was pretty clear how he felt.

"Yeah, go evacuate with the others,"Lorimer agreed. "and thanks."

I nodded and started to turn away as the containment bubble opened up and the person controlling it sent the robot forward, on it's tractor pads, towards the bomb. Mechanical arms would lift the package, place it into the bubble, and allow it to detonate within it's controlled environment. It had good chance of success, but that margin for failure showed how brave those men were.Crazy, Duo called them, but always with the light of appreciation in his eyes.

"Report, Yuy!" I heard Une's tiny voice say in my cell phone.

I began to lift the phone to my ear, and that's when I heard it;a faint noise, the barest click above the whir and grind of the mechanical containment robot. It was the same sound that I heard every morning, the alarm clocks mechanism getting ready to sound its alarm. I had a bad feeling that this was more than about setting off an alarm, though.

The cell went flying from my hand as I threw myself forward. I heard men exclaim, one swear at me, and many hands grab at me to stop my madness, as I ran past the robot, grabbed the package from the shelf, and stuffed it into the containment bubble.

"Close it!" I shouted.

They were used to split second reactions. They closed the bubble, even as they came forward to grab me and pull me behind the blast shield they were frantically setting up.It went tumbling over as the bomb went off and everyone made a useless ducking gesture. It was instinct, I suppose, as I covered my head with my arms and joined the man who had insulted me in a close huddle.Nothing was going to save us if the bubble didn't hold.

The bomb wasn't large, though, and probably made by an amateur. It made a muffled noise, and the machine rocked almost off it's tracks, but the bubble held without any trouble. When it settled again, we all straightened and stared at it. We needed a moment to convince ourselves that we were still alive.Then the men were making rude comments about the bomb and the maker as they moved forward to investigate the robot and check the room for other bombs.

"Not even level two," one man said as he checked the readout on the robot. "What a wanker."

"That wouldn't even have taken out two goddamn floors," another grumbled, "and now I have to clean out Bessie, here."

"Will someone report to me!!" Une's voice shouted on my cell phone.

I picked up the phone and said, "all secure," and then closed it again, needing more time than these men to recover.

"Hey, baddass Yuy?" Lorimer called with a snicker. "Why don't you go, now. I think we lesser mortals can handle it from here."

I smiled shakily and nodded as I made my way out of the room and into the elevator. I crouched down after the doors closed, feeling sick and dizzy, and wondered why I was having such a bad reaction. During the war, I had faced that sort of thing every other day. It came to me, three levels up, that I had a lot more to lose now. If that bomb had ended my life, I would have lost Duo, Duo's love, and the life that we had made together. It was that near loss, that I was reacting to. Fear for my life had nothing to do with it.

TBC


	8. Being Heero

Having Duo under me, while I was buried deep in him, and watching him throw his head back and groan in pleasure, is something I will never get tired of. He is heat and lust and love all rolled into one and I wanted him with every bit of my being. Mission completed, home safe, and in my arms, without fear of hurting healing wounds, had become a rare moment of late. 

"God, you're hard as a rock!" Duo moaned as he lifted his hips to get more of me inside of him. "Feels soooo damned good! Come on, lover, make me walk crooked for a week!"

I hooked his knees with my arms and bent him in half as I pounded, my inner instinct making me growl and want to possess him completely. There was something about a submissive man, begging for my dominance, that dug down deep into my psyche. It wasn't something that I could say out loud, and not get grief for it, but it was there all the same. He was mine, utterly, and I was taking him.

Duo's strong fingers dug into my back, clutched, clawed, and pulled me close. All hard muscle, he was a heavy weight;a solid presence under me. He could hurt just by pushing against me too forcefully. I didn't train so intensely now. I was softer, but sill with only the barest cushion between my thrusting pelvis and his rock hard legs and ass. When we were this passionate, we didn't count the bruises until later.

I exploded into him, shoving down deep and bowing my head into his shoulder. His sweat slicked face and hair stuck to me as I gave a few last thrusts. After a moment's rest, I turned to kiss his cheek, and then slid down his body. I deep throated him, inhaling the scent of sex, sweat, and Duo as I made him clutch at the bed sheets and climb to the pinnacle of his own, powerful orgasm.

I licked him, then, swirling my tongue around his length as I quested for every drop. He loved that, watching me with sated eyes until I was done, and then pulling me up, and kissing me, open mouthed, so that he could taste himself on my tongue.

"You are the hottest man alive," Duo breathed when we lay together, after, tangled in bed sheets."I still can't believe you're mine, sometimes."

I played with his loose strands of hair and then teased one of his nipples with a calloused thumb. He chuckled as I replied, "No one else is good enough for me."

"Sometimes...," he began more seriously, and I knew he was about to apologize, once again, for the life that he led, for the life that I had to lead being with him.

"Never," I said with a growl, cutting him off. "Never regret. I don't. This is who we are."

We both didn't talk very much after sex. It was odd for Duo to do much more than suggest a shower and then curl up with me to sleep afterward. I wondered if his last mission had been rougher than he was admitting to, if it had made him consider, somehow, our relationship. My answer wasn't long in coming.

"Randolph's wife divorced him," Duo told me as he pulled me tight against him. "The papers were waiting for him when we got back. She... she couldn't take the life anymore. I thought they were tight, soul mates, and all of that. It made me think..."

"Stop thinking," I told him and then bit his nipple gently as punishment. He yelped, and then laughed as I growled and showed him my teeth wrapped around that bit of flesh, as if I intended to do some damage if he didn't stop.

"Okay! Okay!" Duo conceded, tangling a hand in my hair and giving me a look that made me want to take him again.

I let him go, kissed that reddened nipple, and then rested my chin on his chest. "I chose my life with you," I told him. "You belong to me, no matter what."

He gave me an offended grunt. "You belong to me," he countered with mock severity.

I grabbed his growing erection in a possessive hand. "We belong to each other."

It was slower and sweeter that time, as I washed away his doubts and made him understand that what I felt for him was unshakeable.

His hand slammed down on my desk. I rescued a file stick out from under it and sighed.

"When were you going to tell me?" Duo demanded, nostrils flaring and face looking like he'd seen a ghost. He came around the desk, without waiting for my answer, and pulled me out of my chair. He held me tight, one hand cradling my head against his shoulder, as if he couldn't get me close enough. "I almost lost you!" he said against my hair and his voice was full of anguish and fear.

I rubbed hands down his back, trying to calm him, and then I demanded a bit of space between us. He gave it, reluctantly, and I met his anxious eyes as he gripped my elbows tightly.

"I wasn't hurt. I didn't want to upset you," I admitted.

His hands tightened painfully. "Someone tried to kill you, because of what we are," he retorted. "I should know about that!"

'There's nothing either of us can do," I assured him, making him ease up on his grip, with a grimace. "They are investigating. Security has tightened. I'm safer now, then I was before."

It was there on his face, the thoughts plain and the words on the verge of being spoken. 'Go home.','Quit.', 'Go where you'll be safe.', but he bit on his lips and bowed his head, instead.

"We can't let them win," I told him, grateful that he respected me enough not to say those words. "I won't be forced to give up any more ground, because they hate what we have together."

Duo ran fingers into his hair and gripped tight, fingers tensing as if he wanted to pull it all out. He relaxed in the next moment, let his hands fall to his sides, and let his shoulders slump. He admitted with a depressed, rueful smile, "One of the bomb squad let it slip, while I was walking by, drinking my morning coffee. I crushed the cup in my hand." He turned his hand over and I saw that it was red. "He said, 'That Yuy is as cool as ice. If he ever wants a job in the bomb squad, let me know.' All I could think was that... " He stopped and rubbed the back of his neck, looking ashamed of himself suddenly. He continued on a different tact, "I know that I risk my life, every time I go out on assignment. I know that you put up with a lot and never try and stop me, or complain, or... ask me to quit. I guess now I know how you feel, and how freakin' strong you are. I always think of you as safe, sitting in your pile of files, waiting for me to come home from doing the dangerous stuff. It was always kind of comforting, not having to ever worry about you. this makes it different. Now..."

I gave his tie a small jerk, so that he looked at me. "I didn't take this job to be safe," I reminded him. "I took it so that I wouldn't have to take anyone's life, ever again.Sometimes, we're both called on to use abilities that we still possess. You will never fail to answer that call, and neither will I."

Duo let out a breath and nodded. He managed a smile for me, but he wasn't letting me get away so easily. "Fine, save the world, love, but you will tell me about it, next time you're called?"

"I will," I promised. "I'm sorry that I didn't this time. You've been through so much lately, that I just wanted to spare you more stress."

"When we share our stress," Duo admonished me, "that makes it more bearable."

He still looked troubled. I could guess why. He was a man in love with being loved. It was hard for him to accept that there were people who wanted us dead, who didn't think that all of our contributions, weighed more against the fact that we were together and that we loved each other.

"They won't win," I promised him.

He nodded and grinned. "Forever, together, love," he assured me.

Duo's cell rang, right along with my own. We both answered, gave each other a small embrace as we talked to our respective bosses, and I watched him walk out of my office and head back to work. As Une gave me a list of files that she needed, and I moved to my computer to enter it, I realized that I hadn't told Duo about the incident for reasons of my own stress as well. It was hard, shouldering the, day to day, abuse along with my work load. I suppose it said something about my mental state, that I had been afraid to add Duo's anxiety to that load, as if it might be too much for me to deal with.

During the war, I had been trained to analyze and take care of my own 'readiness', my mental and physical fitness, to accomplish missions. Being a fifteen year old terrorist, totally dependant on myself, had been a lot more stressful than dealing with bombs and crude words taped to my chair. Mostly, the cure had been to shut down completely, to not feel, and to focus entirely on my missions. Another cure, had been to work out, physically, until I was exhausted and releasing endorphins. While I knew that I still had to find a solution to my problems, it could be a way to help deal with them until I did. A part of my mind said, 'crutch', and 'drug', but I pushed those thoughts away. Duo needed me to be there for him. I couldn't do that while I was too stressed by my own problems.It was for him, as much as for myself.

I decided to begin stopping by the Preventer gym, after work, knowing that Duo usually worked late and that he wouldn't notice. They had exercise machines that my corner gym didn't, machines that were geared to test a man to his limits.I needed to push my strength beyond what it was used to, in order to get the release that I needed.

"Oh, and Yuy," Une said, capturing my attention from my search for her files. "We found your bomber. He was an accountant, oddly enough; a rather mild mannered, law abiding citizen, before he became unbalanced. It seems, though, that he was a great fan Of Maxwell's, until he found out about his relationship with you. Then he began to develop some rather odd conspiracy theories centering around homosexuals, 'invading all levels of government and law enforcement'. He had decided, at some point, that he had to save the world, starting with Preventers. We have more than enough evidence to convict him, but I rather think that he'll be relegated to a mental institution."

"Thank you for informing me," I replied, though my gut was turning into a hard knot. I knew that the man had been aiming his vendetta at me, but it was harder to accept that it had caused a broader, more venomous reaction.

"You did excellent work, with the bomb," Une told me, "and I commend you for your quick actions. Next time, though, please remember that I have trained professionals in my bomb squad, that are very capable. You are a file clerk. You are not authorized to risk your life in any other area."

"I'm sorry," I replied. "I'll remember that and contain myself to risking my life in my designated area."

There was a pause and then Une chuckled. "Point taken, Yuy, but you do know what I'm saying?"

"Yes, commander," I replied, "I understand."

"Good. Now, about those files. No one else can seem to get them out of the older system. I know that you can handle it. I need them by yesterday."

"I'll have them, don't worry," I assured her. Being competent, and chasing down important information, helped my stress as well and I felt a sense of relief as I began the hunt.

"You look really, really, really hot," Duo told me as he straightened my suit collar.

I smiled and blushed, pushing him away as we entered the hall full of other Preventer personnel and their significant others. Duo drew every eye in his silk gray suit, with the Nehru collar, his long braid finished off with a white ribbon at the end. The eyes that turned toward me, in my formal black, beside him, were a mixture of accepting, curious, and, in some cases, hostile.

Three times a year, we were all treated with an 'appreciation ball'. As soon as Duo and I had become a couple, he had insisted that I attend. It was safe enough, being among my fellow agents and coworkers, and there was very little chance of any trouble from those who didn't appreciate our appearance there as a couple. Even during a festive occasion, we were all still required to follow Preventer regulations.

"Food looks good," Duo noticed as he eyed the banquet table.

"You just want to come to these things to eat, don't you?" I chuckled.

"And to dance," he said in a tone that purred as he caught at my hand and pulled me onto an already full dance floor.

I had been taught every formal dance, while I had been living undercover, at the schools that I had attended during the war.I suppose that Duo had as well, but it had surprised me that my rough and tumble lover not only enjoyed it, but had grace and skill. He didn't dance in any formal style, though. He danced in a way that made my heart race, that made me feel part of a well oiled machine, that made me feel as if we were one entity, flowing in a pattern with all the other dancers. Neither of us led. There wasn't a dominant or submissive appearance to it. We moved together, muscles flexing and feet stepping firmly and strongly in time to the music;almost a tango in appearance. His eyes were on mine, however we turned, and his expression was wanting and erotic.We flowed in complete harmony. I loved it, every second of it, and it was almost pain when the music ended and we had to stop.

I pretended not to hear a few comments, one of them having to do with the fact that Duo probably liked showing off the fact that he had Heero Yuy on a leash. A few were appreciative, and I concentrated on them instead. Duo and I did look good together, and there had been a few who had admired our dancing.

"See?" Duo said as he began piling a plate full of food from the banquet table. "They think you're hot, too."

I snatched a crab puff from his pile and ate it, giving him a wink. He laughed and replaced it with another one.

Wu Fei made an appearance, in formal gold and red silk, and looked very good next to Sally's deep blue dress. She brought him along, wanting to greet us, but Wu Fei looked disdainful. I had turned all of his perceptions of me on it's head and I don't think he was ever going to accept that the 'perfect soldier', that he had considered me, would rather garden and file paperwork, than join him as a 'warrior'.I'm sure that our dancing had only worsened his opinion of me.

"I'm sure that a lot of people, watching you two on the dance floor, were wishing that you were single," Sally joked. "I thought you were going to put on a 'real show' there for a few minutes."

"Woman! That is totally inappropriate!" Wu Fei exclaimed, looking extremely uncomfortable.

Sally rolled her eyes at him. "Okay, popsicle, but at least they dance. You won't even do that much."

"I'm saving the 'real show' for after the party," Duo laughed and gave me a dig with his elbow. "Right, Heero?"

I blushed and ducked my head, but I couldn't help the smirk.

"I really don't wish to listen to this type of conversation..." Wu Fei began hotly, but Sally hooked an arm around his slim waist and held kept him from leaving.

She told him in exasperation, "Get your mind out of the Ming Dynasty and enjoy the company."

"There are times and places, for that kind of display, and I don't think..." Wu Fei spoke at some length on propriety while Duo and Sally laughed at him, but I was treated to that kind of thinking too often during working hours. When they finally left to speak to another agent, Duo turned to me with a worried frown.

"That didn't bother you, did it?" Duo asked as his hand tightened on my elbow. "You know Fei's an asshole at the best of times. I don't know what Sally sees in him. She's fun, honest, and open and he's got a stick up his ass a mile long and a complex about everything having to do with the word 'fun'. To each his own, I guess."

"He's honorable and doesn't hide how he feels," I replied as I stole another crab puff.

Duo frowned and replaced it with another. "Get your own food," he mock growled. "You'd better eat up. Neither of us can cook, really, and this is the best we'll get until either someone invites us to dinner, or we have another shindig."

I made up my own plate and we settled at a small table near the dance floor.

Quatre and Trowa danced along the fringe of the crowd, the music soft and slow. Their style was very different from ours. Trowa held Quatre close and Quatre was like flowing gold to his darker earth tones. I didn't want to think of the man as feminine, but he had a gentler personality than any of us, and his good looks and sparkling smile made him seem to be on Trowa's arm, Trowa the lead in the dance.

I sighed, irritated at myself, as I ate a meatball spiced with curry.

"Heero, what's going on?" Duo demanded. "You keep looking like someone died."

"Thinking too much," I admitted."It bothers me that people are judged, that we can't just be 'people'. I caught myself doing the same thing, just now."

He looked over at Quatre and Trowa, trying to figure out what I meant. He frowned, confused, and then replied, with sudden clarity, "It's natural to try and avoid people giving you shit, so most people try to 'fit in' and avoid that sort of thing. You look at them and think, 'Someone isn't going to like that', and it makes you pick out exactly what they aren't going to like. Quatre's so... you know... and of course, that's going to get him trouble from someone who's going to see him as being Trowa's 'girlfriend'. It's not you judging them. It's you worrying about them being judged."

I looked at Duo warmly and reached out to squeeze his hand. "Sometimes, I think you're just playing stupid."

"Ha, ha," Duo growled and then laughed. "That was pretty deep, wasn't it? Maybe I should write it down and send it to psyche?"

"They'd be impressed," I agreed.

"Right before they took credit for it," Duo snickered. He stabbed a brie pastry at me and said seriously, "Stop thinking, Yuy. I mean it. We're supposed to be having fun."

"Sorry." I tried to push everything from my mind. I was with Duo. I could ignore everything else and have a good time with him.

"This is good. Catch." Duo tossed another brie pastry towards me. I caught the small bite expertly in my mouth and ate it. Duo stared, eyes wide, and then exclaimed, "God, you're sexy as hell! Maybe we should just ditch the ball and-"

"No," I replied as I dabbed a napkin on my lips. "I'm starting to enjoy myself."

Duo moved uncomfortably in his chair and grinned. "So am I."

It was pleasant, once I decided to concentrate on having fun with Duo. We danced twice more, Duo ate enough to give him a slight stomach ache, and we left smiling and relaxed.

"I don't see the valet," Duo told me as he looked around the very large, darkened parking garage.

There were other people waiting, talking quietly and ignoring us. Duo paced impatiently and then stopped, a hand to his stomach. It was his queasy look that decided me.

"Glutton," I told him jokingly and he gave me a rueful look.

"The food was good. I couldn't help myself," Duo groaned back. "I really need to stretch out and digest... before I explode, though."

"I'll get the car," I suggested. "Sit over there and hold it together until I get back."

Duo perched on a low barrier, hands around his middle, but his eyes swept the parking garage critically.

"This place is full of Preventer agents," I told him. "I don't think I need an armed escort."

Duo looked sheepish. "I know you can handle yourself. It's just... reflex."

"Love, you mean," I corrected and he nodded and smiled.

"I'll be right back," I told him and went to get my keys from the attendant.

After showing my ID, and getting a nervous look from the young attendant, he handed me my keys and told me where the car was parked.

The low glow of the lights overhead, still left many shadows among the cars, as I went down two levels to find ours. I did feel nervous. My reflexes were just as honed as Duo's, and they were telling me to hide in those shadows and move carefully. It was almost instinct and, when I realized what I was doing, I felt annoyed at myself. I almost stepped out into the main, lighted lane, needing a little defiance against a life time of paranoia, but then I heard the voices.

I melted against a van as quick as breathing, not sure why, and then understanding that my brain had reacted on very few clues, before complete awareness could tell me that those voices were saying my name, sounding angry, and had used the words, 'Take him out quick'.

I took a moment to center myself, to come to terms that someone was planning to hurt me, and that they were desperate, or confident enough, to do it here. My old self would have confronted them. My new self knew where that would lead. All the training in the world couldn't guarantee that a move wouldn't go wrong, that it wouldn't kill instead of incapacitate. Violence was a part of my old life. In my new life, I avoided it, and went through the right channels.

I backtracked to the elevator and took it a level up, risking that they would notice, and then made the call to the one guest who could call in as much firepower as I needed.

"Commander Une?"

"Yuy?" I could imagine her looking around the ballroom, knowing that I had been among the guests, but not seeing me now.

"I'm in the parking garage." I gave her the level that I was on and then the position of my car. "There are men waiting to harm me. I'm not sure how they knew that I wasn't with Duo... the parking attendant, might be working with them."

"I'll have forces there in a moment," she replied and then growled, "If they're agents, they're going to pay for disrupting my party. Don't make any move to join the situation, Yuy, that's an order. Stay where you are. I don't want the attendant tipped off that things aren't going as planned."

"Understood," I replied as I leaned against a cement support to wait. When she hung up, I called Duo, not wanting my lover to come looking for me when I didn't appear with our car.

"Hey... get lost?" Duo snickered, knowing it was me.

"Pretend that I have," I replied. "I think the parking attendant is working with men, who were waiting to harm me near our car. Une is sending agents."

"You've totally turned into a desk jockey!" Duo snickered, playing it perfectly for any watchers. "If I spun you around three times, you'd end up on L2." He yelled at the attendant to get the position of our car again, told it to me, as if I didn't know it, and then said, "Yeah, yeah, I'll wait. Hopefully, I won't be old enough to retire by the time you show up." I heard him groan. "If you don't see me, I'm in the john. I think I need to make a visit there."

"Duo!" I shouted, but he had already disconnected. Someone had threatened me. I was sure that Duo would make his escape, with a valid excuse for the parking attendant, and then make his way down to our car, to 'explain' to those men, that threatening his lover was very bad for their health. He wouldn't think about his career, the law, or jail time. Duo didn't consider consequences when he was acting on pure emotion.

I didn't wait for the elevator. It was near the top of the building, probably filling up with guests going home. Instead, I raced down the stairs, as I flipped my cell open and shouted, "Une! I think Duo's trying to get there first!"

"Damn!" was her only reply and I knew that she was trying to react as fast as I was, calling her agents and telling them that the angry, braided, man, probably beating the suspects to a pulp, was a fellow agent.

I took the turn in the stairs too fast. My dress shoe slipped on the stair tread and went out from under me. I went head first, my last thought, before I hit concrete at the bottom, that I couldn't save Duo, now, or those men, and that Duo was going to lose everything that he loved.

TBC


	9. What Comes Around

My arm hurt, throbbing like a toothache just at the elbow, and it felt swollen. My head pounded along with my heartbeat and I felt a loose tooth with my tongue... a tongue that felt two sizes too big for my mouth and as dry as a desert. My first thought was, 'Duo'. My second thought was, 'What the hell happened?' The conversation over my head filled me in on the details.

"I couldn't find him, Quatre! I really thought they had taken off with him... to hurt him... and it was all my fault, because I was too damned slow getting there."

"Duo,calm down. Nothing happened. He's safe. Those men are in lock up.'

'You weren't there! You don't know what it was like...looking for him. Une told me his last position, but he wasn't there. I know Heero. I thought that he had lied to Une, that he had stayed to make sure that those men didn't get away before the security detail showed up. I didn't expect... when Douglas found him at the bottom of those stairs... I didn't even think to look there! How stupid can I goddam be?'

I heard a shaky sob and then I was reaching out with a good hand and latching onto Duo unerringly. Quatre already had a hold on him and I towed him in along with Duo as I pulled my lover in close.

"Do not be a dumb ass," I whispered in a dry throat as I made sticky eyes open. "I slipped and fell on the stairs. There was no way for you to know where I was."

Duo swam in my vision, looking pale and needy, and Quatre was grinning, relieved and letting go of him."See," he said to Duo. "Everything is all right. Now stop apologizing for not being super human, and take care of your man."

Duo turned an embarrassed shade of pink, both of his hands coming up to clasp mine as Quatre nodded to me and made his retreat.

"Head hurts," I complained. "Mouth dry."

Duo snagged a water bottle from a side table and put the straw to my lips. It was cold, and I wondered how many times he had refilled it with ice, waiting for me to need it. I drank gratefully.

"Easy," Duo warned me as he pulled the straw away. "They think that you have a concussion. I don't want you throwing up water on me."

I agreed with that diagnosis. My stomach did feel queasy and my head was pounding. He saw my grimace.

"Should I get the doctor?" Duo wondered.

That led to an obvious question, but I felt compelled to ask it. "I'm in the hospital?"

"Yes," he replied and perched on the side of the bed, looking down at me.

"How long?" Was the next question as I looked around and decided which hospital I was in. With a partner like Duo, I was very familiar with every hospital in the area.

"Five hours," he told me, watching me looking around and smiling. "This is the nicest hospital," he told me. "Nurse Carla and Nurse Stacey will spoil you."

We knew every doctor and every nurse, just as we knew every hospital room. I didn't allow myself to think too deeply about that, about how dangerous his life was. It was strange being on the other side, being the one in the hospital bed. The last time had been awhile ago. Tonsillitis was an embarrassing thing for an ex Gundam pilot to suffer through.

"Do I get ice cream this time, too?" I asked, giving him an impish smile.

He snickered. "I'll see about it."

Duo grew serious suddenly, leaning down, and kissing me on my dry lips. "You scared the shit out of me," he told me quietly.

It wasn't critical. He was simply stating a fact. I understood. "I was trying to stay safe," I replied as I stroked fingers down his arm to soothe him. "I wasn't intending to be a part of the action."

His gaze was intense. "They why were you falling down a flight of stairs?"

This was the part that I wanted to avoid the most. I discarded the excuse of a headache, to stall it, knowing that it was better said now. "You were angry. You were going to run there and-"

"That's my job, Heero," he told me. "I do it every day. Why shouldn't I do it for you, too, to keep you safe?"

"Passion can make a man cross the line," I said. "I know how protective you can get."

He let out an exasperated breath."Yeah, I was mad," he admitted, "and I really wanted to make them pay for thinking that they could hurt you, but I wouldn't have really done anything except arrest them. I wanted to make sure that happened." He eyed me. "So... You were rushing to what? Save me?"

I nodded, hiding behind my tangled bangs.

"Thank you," he breathed against my lips and I fell into the kiss, glad that he wasn't going to be angry and shout. I don't think my head could have taken it, just then.

He broke the kiss and stood up. "I'm going to go get the doctor, so that he can check on you... and maybe see about that ice cream."

He stopped at the door, paused for a long moment, and then turned. His heart was in his eyes. "You really did scare me, Heero Yuy."

"I'm sorry," I replied, but then sighed,"It's never going to get easier, you realize?"

"I have more optimism," he retorted and then gave me a cocky grin, "Especially, when I'm the one making sure, that people who try to hurt you, go to jail."

I couldn't help smiling back, but I couldn't share in that optimism. Even during the war, he had always been so sure that everything would be all right.I don't think he took his eyes off of the sun, much, enough to see the shadows, but I saw them every day. I was too sure that they would always be there, waiting for another unwary moment to destroy that which was good and peaceful, waiting to destroy us.

Nurse Carla and Stacey did indeed spoil me, and they seemed to think that leaving me without a guard, after what had just happened to me, was worse than criminal. They took it upon themselves to keep watch, as regulated as any Oz soldiers that I had ever seen, and just as serious about their self appointed duty. When my X-rays came back with good news, along with my doctor's opinion that I could safely go home, they seemed disappointed to have to return to their normal routine.I thanked them and told them goodbye, and Duo grinned at me for liking their attention so much.

"What am I going to do with you?" Duo wondered. "You're going to want all of this pampering at home, now."

"Sponge baths might be nice," I played along, as I sat on the edge of the bed and buttoned my shirt.

"Not from Carla and Stacey, I hope?" Duo retorted and I could see a hint of jealousy in his expression.

I snorted, but then teased, "Maybe a Carl and a Stan..."

"Over my dead body!" Duo growled. "You belong to me!"

He was only half joking. I soothed him by replying, "I'd much rather have you do the sponge bath... and the breakfast in bed... and the dressing and undressing."

Duo looked aroused and reigned it in with difficulty. "We'll see how you feel about that offer, once we get home."

I smiled at his eagerness even while I was annoyed by the wheelchair that he pushed to the side of the bed. My arm was still strapped and one ankle throbbed, but my head was clear and I knew that I didn't need to be wheeled anywhere.

"You know that you have to," Duo warned, "So don't whine about it,Yuy."

Maybe being in a wheelchair made the strange man feel that I was vulnerable, a captive audience, I'm not sure, but, when we reached the main doors, and Duo left me to bring the car around, he seemed confidence itself as he snapped a few pics of me with his digital hand pad and stepped forward.

"Ronald Whelan," he introduced himself. He was a slick looking young man in a three piece suit, tall and overbearing as he leaned down. "Western Hemisphere News. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions for a story that I'm working on?"

"Yes, I do," I replied. "I'm not giving any statements."

"You're a famous individual, attached to another famous individual," Whelan said, "It's only natural that people would be concerned about the attack on your person. Those in the homosexual communities are worried that resentment against their lifestyle choices, is growing. Other people are worried that your lifestyle, your commitment to your relationship with Duo Maxwell, might be endangering them as well."

I frowned and retorted, "How could my relationship hurt anyone?"

"Innocent bystanders are hurt all of the time, Mr. Yuy," the man pointed out. "How many people were in the parking garage where you were attacked?"

"Almost attacked," I corrected."Are you insinuating that I'm a danger to the people around me? Perhaps you should place that burden on the people who intended to attack me?"

"Of course," the man said apologetically, "but you must admit that you have become the weather vane that everyone is watching? If such a high profile man, such as yourself, is being attacked, then can attacks on other homosexuals be far behind?"

"They didn't attack me because I was a homosexual," I grated out and then took a deep breath and snarled, "I told you, that I didn't want to talk to you. Please leave me alone."

"Is this man bothering you, Mr. Yuy?" Stacey, a small, blonde woman with large blue eyes, and a starched nurse uniform, came striding up to confront the reporter.

I winced at the picture of a little nurse defending me, but replied, "Yes, he is. I'm sure he'll be leaving now."

"Without a story?Not likely," the reporter snorted. "It's your duty to keep the public safe and informed, as a Preventer agent," the man began, but Stacey was poking a finger into his chest and making him take a step back from me.

"He told you to go," Stacey warned him. "Back off our I'll call security."

I began to stand up from my chair, concerned for her when the man gave her a small shove back, but Stacey gave me an imperative gesture to keep my seat. "Rules state, that all patients remain in a wheelchair until their ride arrives. I'll take care of Mr. Rude, here."

The man sniffed. "I hardly think that you're capable of stopping me from doing anything that I want, runt. I intend to get my interview, so piss off before I'm forced to-"

"Forced to what?" Stacey cut in, voice full of bravado.

My worry escalated. "Stacey, thank you, but-" I began, but the reporter took that moment to try and take a picture of Duo pulling up and getting out of our car. The flash of his hand in a threatening manner was enough for nurse Stacey.

Stacey executed a perfect flying kick and the reporter fell like a sack of potatoes. She landed lightly, straightened her uniform primly, and then called out, "I need a doctor, stat!"

"What the hell?" Duo exclaimed as he came up to us, hand slipping under his jacket where he kept his gun. "Who the fuck is that?"

"A reporter," I replied with a tired sigh. "He wanted an interview and wouldn't take no for an answer."

Duo scowled. "Everyone keeps doing my job."

I was struck by the pain in his voice. I remembered his conversation with Quatre and took hold of his hand. "What job is that?" I asked quietly as guards and a doctor came running up.

"He attacked me and Mr. Yuy," Stacey told them, the flush of adrenalin in her face."I had to defend us both."

Duo blinked at her, the hurt growing. "I'm supposed to protect you, not a hundred pound nurse."

I squeezed his hand hard. "In case you forgot, I don't really need this chair," I reminded him. "I wasn't expecting that kind of trouble or Stacey wouldn't have had to subdue a reporter trying to get your picture."

"My picture?" Duo looked confused then. "He wasn't trying to hurt you?"

"No, just trying to make me the poster boy for whatever cause he's trying to promote," I replied.

"Asshole," Duo called him, giving the prone figure a glare.

I thanked Stacey and I had the feeling, from her expression, that she was going to be telling her grand kids, when she had them, about the time that she had saved a Gundam Pilot's life.After we had made a report to the guards, and then left the hospital, I couldn't help thinking about the things that the reporter had said to me. It didn't matter who the bad guy was, there were going to be people put in danger because of me. I couldn't see a way out of that, though. I couldn't stop living my life because of what might happen.

"We need a vacation away from all of this shit," Duo finally said, after a long time of tense silence. His hands worked on the steering wheel and the sunlight picked out white battle scars along his fingers and knuckles."We should go to L4 and sit around the artificial beaches, sipping fruity drinks. They don't have any of these stupid prejudices."

That wasn't true, but they did have a far more tolerant climate for anything out of the ordinary. I thought about it, leaving Earth, feeling the weightlessness of space again, and coming home to the colonies. It didn't carry the same ache as it once had. Earth had become my home, instead, Earth and Duo.

"The islands, then," Duo pressed."A few days on a boat, and then a week doing nothing, but shaking sand out of your shoes and making crazy love in some beach bungalow."

I liked the sound of it. It was a temptation to run away from it all, to be just Heero and Duo and not the hero and the man who had turned coward, the man who had dared sully the image of Duo Maxwell.

I was going to say, yes... hell, yes! I opened my mouth, turning to Duo, just as his cell rang. He fished it out of his pocket irritably.

"Maxwell?"

He listened, nodding and frowning, our conversation forgotten, our flight of fancy going up in a puff of smoke, as real life concerns took precedence.

"I'm ready," Duo told who ever was on the other end of the call. "Jump in five hours."

He hung up and pocketed his cell, mind on the new mission. "I'll be gone for a few days. Trouble down south, as usual," he told me almost on automatic."I'll have Quatre check up on you. Chang is with me on this one."

"He doesn't need to check up on me," I replied, but he was hardly hearing me. I was a detail in his mission plan.

I was surprised when his mission plan included my safety. "Stay at home until I get back. Keep everything secure. I don't want you at work, before we know how many people were in on that plan to hurt you."

Sometimes, it's better just to say, "Yes, of course," and let him think about other things, more important things, like keeping himself alive to return home to me.I could take care of myself, after all.

I can't say that I didn't still think about Duo's vacation plan, especially when I was left alone to deal with the aches and pains of my injuries. I knew that he would bring it up again, when he came home, and I knew that I had to have an answer for him by then.

After thinking about it for at least a day, though, while I tried to save a bed of roses that had been severely neglected for months, I decided that a vacation was more about what Duo needed, than about running away.Recovering from injuries wasn't really relaxing, and I think he needed time off that didn't include pain and healing.

"Heero?" the call was cautious and far away. Quatre Winner knew better than to surprise me. He had come through the back gate and was still standing there, smiling in greeting.

I had been sitting on a low stool. I levered myself up with difficulty and limped to the fence, loppers in one hand and nursing a wounded thumb.

"Are you all right?" Quatre asked.

"Thorns," I grunted irritably. "Did you come for your scheduled 'check on Yuy',visit?"

Quatre made a face as he entered my back yard and took a seat at the small table and chairs under the spreading chinese maple. "Don't be like that," he admonished me. "Duo cares. I care. Of course, we're going to want to make sure you're all right."

I sighed and sat as well. "I'm sorry," I told him. "I hate when Duo tries to baby me."

Quatre nodded in understanding. "Sometimes, he's over protective, I know, but he's used to commanding entire teams of men, and making sure of their safety. He wouldn't do less for the man he loves... and neither would you. You did hire a nurse for him, as I recall."

I blushed and ducked my head, pretending to look at my lopers.Duo could see to the center of my heart, but I was still uncomfortable with other people seeing how deeply I could feel for him.I suppose that it was part of my training, the training that had made me suppress everything to be a boy soldier. Caring that much had been considered a failing.

"He doesn't want me to return to work until he gets back," I told him, turning the loppers over and over in my hands.

"You'll be returning... let me guess... tomorrow?" Quatre sighed. "That would be your MO,Heero, and Duo's as well, for that matter."

"Not tomorrow," I retorted and then, quieter, "Two days, maybe, if the aches stop."

"And sooner than your doctor prescribes, I'll bet," Quatre guessed worriedly.

"They are always over cautious," I replied as I put the loppers on the table and crossed my arms over my chest defensively.

"It's Une's decision," Quatre pointed out. "She may follow the doctor's recommendation."

I had nothing to say to that. I knew that there would might be a battle in that respect, but I expected to win it.

The sun shone in Quatre's hair and it almost made his blue eyes seem like clear glass as he looked around the yard. Though I liked to garden, I wasn't the best. I had planted things that didn't need a great deal of care. Quatre seemed pleased by it all, though, and that brought me out of my shell long enough to feel a little pride in that.

"Quatre, I was considering a vacation-" I began but he jumped on that instantly.

"I own a few out of the way places," Quatre told me eagerly. "I wouldn't mind if you made use of them... or, if you'd rather, I have a few apartments... Paris...Tokyo... the Alps? You two have been needing some downtime. Preventers abuses your talents too much."

Paris. I could imagine Duo loving the busy streets and the fast paced atmosphere."I still have to talk to him about it, but Paris does sound-"

"I'll make sure that the apartment is prepared and ready for you," Quatre assured me, not allowing me to finish."Once you two have a taste of civilian life, you may not want to return to Preventers."

I wasn't slow. I could hear the hidden agenda in Quatre's words.

I gave him a level look until he stopped making plans and asked,"What's wrong?"

"Quatre, I know that you are embracing peace with both hands," I told him, "but you can't assume that we would want the same kind of life."

Quatre looked almost sad. "You both have always been at the fore front, fighting for everyone else. Even though you only do paperwork, now,you do it with the same dedication as Duo, who goes out into the field and risks his life. I can't help wondering if you both lead that sort of life,because you've never really known what living in true peace means. If you would just take some time away from Preventers..."

"We love our work," I replied, warmed that we had such a caring friend. "We know what sort of life we've chosen."

Quatre patted my hand and stood up."You are selfless to the point of being idiots. I'm glad that you've at least seen that you need a vacation once in awhile. I'll make sure that this one is memorable. Leave it all to me, Heero."

Quatre lived a life of privilege. I don't think that he understood about 'vacation time', and needing to file requests for it, and that someone might not want Duo Maxwell to give up saving the planet for a few days. That thought made me angry, and Quatre was probably wondering if he had gone too far when I escorted him to the gate.

"Make the plans after I call you," I told him and then made an effort to relax and smile. "Thank you for all your help."

Quatre wasn't going to go that easily. Instead, he became very serious and said, "About that incident in the Preventer garage-"

"I was never in any danger, except from my own two left feet," I replied, not wanting the lecture about staying safe.

Quatre surprised me by pointing out his guards, waiting just outside the fence. "I wanted to say, that it isn't just you, Heero. Don't ever think that. Mindless, envious hate is everywhere, and it's targets are many, including me.Perhaps, this time, it was about your relationship with Duo, but it could have just as easily been about your being an ex gundam pilot, or part of Preventers in general.What I'm trying to say is, that we can't stop living our lives, or change ourselves, to suit the people who don't like what we are. Those kind of hates are never satisfied."

I nodded. "I think that Duo gets blinded to that, once in awhile. He'd like to see me safe, away from Preventers, and away from the public eye... but, I can't live that way. I need to serve,just like he does."

Quatre looked around my garden with a soft smile. "I never guessed that you were hiding yourself away, denying yourself the things that you wanted from life. Duo did. He made you bloom, just like these flowers. He doesn't want to see you close up and go back to being the stunted young man that you were during the war... and I don't either."

"I won't," I promised, though it was as much a promise to myself as to Quatre.

"Good," Quatre replied.

He gave me a light hug and then I was alone with my garden again. It seemed empty without his brightness and it took awhile for my mind to settle and to tackle the rose bushes once more.

TBC


	10. Be There

My work had piled up. I spent the morning, head down, discs and folders under my arms, and computer using up all it's capacity. I accessed records and info feeds so many times, security buzzed me and checked to make certain that they didn't have a hacker. I was happy, though, despite the work load and my still aching body .Mentally, at least, I thought that I had made the right decision. I needed my work just as much as Duo needed his. It was our life's blood.

As for security, I knew that every camera was trained on me, and that the security man strolling by, once in awhile, wasn't there to get coffee from the machine outside my door.My 'gifts' had accumulated while I was gone, and that man had taken them away for examination this time, much to both of our embarrassment. The sticky notes about being a 'coward' were easy enough, but the dildo taped with a note, telling me to keep myself happy with it while Duo was gone, was above and beyond humiliating, as were the litter of 'from Gundam pilot to-' filled in with a number of different foul endings. I wondered how the team in investigations was going to feel about their morning assignment to find the perpetrators.It would probably make me more enemies.

It was easy to keep that worry from my mind when I was tracking down information needed to crack a serious case.Though most of these agents probably never considered the source of their information, I knew it was invaluable to them and that they were grateful to receive it.I suppose that thought kept me in my seat and working long after someone else might have decided to call it quits. And yes, once I had gotten over the anger over my isolation in that office, I did begin to consider it a worthwhile move. I could concentrate on my work, entirely, instead of having to deal with my coworker's noise and interruptions.

A small part of my brain, that spoke, suspiciously, in Duo's voice, told me that isolation was a bad thing and that I was hiding, but, after the stress of the recent past, I found it easy to ignore.I made a point, though, of going to the Preventer commissary and sitting in the main dinning room with my lunch.

People, I've found, love to be in groups. It had made some aspects of the war ridiculously easy because of it. Take out an entire group of elite Oz forces? Of course they would be all sitting at table three of their favorite restaurant, eventually. A gruesome thought, but I suppose it was a defense against a certain feeling of loneliness to be in a group of one. The 'bomb squad' was near the door, laughing and having, what seemed, to be a good time.The secretaries were in another group, talking quietly, but giving the squad looks that ran from flirtatious to annoyed.The second shift hanger crew looked tired and were eating quietly. Forensics was laughing at one of their group describing a graphic case, that somehow, had an amusing twist. My own group of clerks, that I was excluded from, were half listening and looking green.

Looks were thrown my way, not all of them unpleasant. A few were curious, and even one gave me a smile and nod; one of the bomb squad. I returned it with surprise. One woman, though, was hunched over her lunch, looking miserable. She was alone too, but her isolation was intentional. I could tell by the tight expression on her face, and her intense concentration on the two bites taken out of her sandwich.

I passed the woman on my way to the garbage bin. After depositing my trash, I turned and caught sight of her tears before she ducked her head enough for her long, blonde hair, to cover her face. I will be the first to admit that my skills were lacking when it came to dealing with other people. Duo was the out going talker. Breeching a self imposed defense line was hard for me, but I felt compelled to ask, "Is everything all right?"

The woman twitched and wiped at her eyes. She sniffled and then nodded, though it was an obvious lie. "I'll be fine, thank you," she managed.

Duty done, I should have felt all right about leaving it at that, but something warned me that I shouldn't. I took a careful few steps her way, not sure of my reception, and then asked, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Her blue eyes came up, swimming with tears. She blinked at me rapidly, and then choked out, "Thank you. I just... I just had some bad news."

"I hope it isn't something serious?" A man like me could think of many terrible things that might happen. I tried not to fill in the blank, letting her tell me, if she wished.

I had overstepped some line for her. She was suddenly getting up, fumbling with her purse, and saying, "Yes... yes, it is serious..."

I've been trained to notice details in a very short amount of time. It keeps a soldier alive. The pill bottle was a prescription one. It rolled over and over as it headed towards her open purse, her hand scooping it there rapidly. It took four turns for me to notice the date on the bottle and the fact that it was nearly empty. The two didn't make sense and I came to a frightening conclusion. She had overdosed herself, sitting right there, in a commissary full of people.

"Medic!" I shouted to the room at large and saw six people toss over their chairs, in well trained reflex, as they jumped up and headed my way.

The startled woman confirmed my suspicion, by trying to run. My hand snaked out and caught her wrist as her purse spilled and things went rolling everywhere.

"Overdose!" I told one of medics that arrived first. I snatched up the prescription bottle and handed it to her. Her eyes went wide and she flipped open her cell to call for a med evac.

"You don't have any right to stop me!" the crying woman was shouting at me as she continued to struggle in my grip. "My life is shit. Tony's gone! I don't have anything without him!"

"Susan!" another medic called her and helped me hold her. "That bastard isn't worth killing yourself over. What were you thinking?!"

"I loved him and he left me!" Susan wailed.

The pills were taking effect. The woman began slumping in our arms.It was a heart pounding wait until help arrived and took her away for emergency treatment. Being left behind afterward, in the war zone of overturned chairs, gaping people, and the spilled contents of a woman's purse, while I was asked questions about what had happened, seemed almost surreal. I knew it was the downside of an adrenalin rush and it was hard to keep myself focused and under control until I was allowed to go.

Sitting in my office once more, work all around me, and requests blinking on my computer screen, I found myself simply staring at nothing and wondering at the total despair that could make someone take their life. I didn't accomplish much for the rest of the day, and, when I went home to a silent house, I found myself holding Duo's pillow and wishing that he were home. There was nothing like someone else's tragedy to remind a person how very lucky they were in life and love, and to remind someone how their own self destructing efforts might have succeeded.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I was at the hanger doors when Duo's ship touched down, skewing sideways with a protest of stressed metal, one landing pod missing, and heat pinging all over the hull to show how fast he had come in. Emergency jets dusted the bay automatically, warning sensors imagining a fire. No one had argued my place this time, even the bay guards inside and poised for the crash doors to open. Duo didn't often send emergency codes and everyone was ready for the worst.

When warning lights went to yellow and the doors wooshed open, the heat hit us all in the face as we rushed inside. Equipment was scattered, a repair tower was down and twisted over the top of the ship.It had hit a wall and taken a chunk out. I knew, then, that Duo wasn't piloting.

Space mission, I thought, noting the type of ship, as cold fear gripped my gut and gave my feet wings, as I pounded towards the hatch. For the millionth time, I wished that Duo could tell me about these secret missions. I think I could have handled them better if I knew that there would be a chance for this kind of home coming. Space battles were always damned ugly, and heated re-entry, with a damaged ship, generally didn't end well.

The hanger crew grabbed machinery that was five times their size and swung them on mechanical gyros into position over the hatch. Inoperable hatches weren't easy to cut through, and the damage to the ship was costly. They never did it unless absolutely necessary.We all stood back while the thing made a circular cut in under five seconds, rotating blades cutting metal like butter. It jerked it out of the hull with mechanical arms and then the crew was shoving the entire machine sideways and out of our way.

The medics were first in and I was one step behind them.

Duo was organized even in the midst of mayhem. Seriously injured were closest to the door. Walking wounded were further in. The dead were bagged and out of the way. I ignored the tags on those bags, not wanting to see Duo's name, as I climbed over equipment and seats to bypass the medics and wounded. My progress was stopped by flickering lights, and the sound of an engine under stress.

"Get out!" the pilot shouted as he came bursting out of the cockpit. His arms were flailing at us as he ran himself, helmet and oxygen gear flying off behind him, as he flung them off and began grabbing the wounded. "Fuel breech!"

Curses and shouts of alarm went up and down the ship as more emergency crew were called in and everyone began grabbing live bodies, forgetting the dead, and trying to get them to safety. I knew with a shock of fear, where Duo was then, if he was alive, and then I couldn't think about it anymore as I began helping.

I felt muscles protest, tendons go beyond stressed, but I didn't slow down as I helped take the crew out of there. Eleven men and women, who needed my strength, made it past the blast doors, as the sound of something seriously wrong, set off alarm sirens and lights on the ship and in the hanger.

"Duo?!" I shouted at the pilot, grabbing his flight suit in one fist as men and women streamed by me and the hanger was cleared.

"He went to manually lock down the fuel," the pilot replied, wincing as my grip took in some skin."We wouldn't have made it down planet without him."

My duty was done. It was time to join the love of my life. I slipped past the closing blast doors, ignoring attempts to stop me, and heard the heavy, metallic thud as they locked behind me. The blast foam was about to be deployed, nozzles on mechanical arms, coming into position. If I didn't make the gaping maw of the hatch, then I would be trapped outside when the hanger was sucked dry of air. I might survive the three minute oxygen deprivation, and the blast, if the foam held, I knew, but that wasn't an option. I had to make that hatch. I had to take my chances with Duo.

My lungs burned as my feet hit the metal ramp. I threw myself through the hatch just as the nozzles began squirting, hitting one of the jump benches hard. I recovered, feeling the bruise on my hip, and scrambled down into the bowels of the ship. Lighting flickered as the ship powered down. Emergency lights came on. I could hear metal stress all around me as the foam hardened into an impervious cocoon. I had a fleeting thought that Une was not going to be happy to lose one of her best ships.

Duo was crouched and working feverishly, curses muttered in a nonstop litany, at the end of a narrow, double bank of machinery. When he heard my steps behind him, he grinned and said, without turning. "Good to see you, love. In my back pocket. Fliers I picked up before we made Earth launch platform. I was thinking that a vacation on L4 would be really nice. Why don't you look them over while I take care of this?"

Nerves of steel. Never defeated. I slowly pulled the fliers out of his pocket. There as blood on one and they were creased and a bit filthy. Unfolding one with shaking hands, I saw the resort; an idyllic vision at all odds with the smoking, noisy, enclosed space, filled with death, that we were in now.

"I was thinking Paris," I admitted, trying to keep my voice steadier than my hands. "But this seems nicer."

Duo waggled eyebrows at me as he jammed a hand into a hot, greasy section of machinery. "They have antigrav options in all the rooms."

I laughed. I couldn't help myself. "That does seem... interesting."

Duo laughed with me."Everyone out?" he asked, more seriously.

"Yes," I replied. sobering as well.

"I can't vent with the foam," Duo admitted.

And he needed to, to keep the repaired lines from blowing.

"Laser?" I wondered as a yellow alarm light changed to bright red.

Duo frowned, thinking about the danger to everyone else, ignoring the fact that we probably had thirty seconds to live, at best.

"I think we can do it," he replied at last and left the machinery to scramble by me, heading for the cockpit. "Stay here at the vent control," he called back unecessarily."I'll signal."

I watched his braid swing as he hurried, and slap the wall as he jumped through the hatch into the main compartment of the ship, knowing that it might be my last sight of him.

Waiting was hard. My hand stayed poised over the manuel venting control, mentally seeing Duo slam into the pilot seat and adjust the laser with precision. Shooting through the foam, at an angle that would uncover one of the vents, was a calculation not one in a million pilots could accomplish in seconds.Dealing with the foam ,hampering the side laser, was just another added difficulty.

"Love you," I said to the air, knowing that Duo had on the internal com.

"You know I love you," Duo returned.

Sweat trickled down between my shoulder blades. I couldn't help doing a mental countdown. When I reached five, there was nothing sweeter than to hear Duo's voice say, "Now!"

I hit the vent control and felt the ship shudder.

Waiting after that was even harder. When the red lights flicked to yellow, showing stress, but not overload, I let out a breath I hadn't known that I was holding. Duo appeared, grinning widely, and unzipping his flight suit to cool himself off, letting me know, with that action, that we were safe.

"Do they have a pool at this resort?" I asked.

"Three," Duo replied with a chuckle, "and a spa."

We would be there awhile, waiting for someone to cut through the foam. Duo sat beside me, shoulder to shoulder, and gave me a kiss on the cheek. He tasted like grease and sweat.

"Are you sure you want to go?" I asked. "Will Une let you go?"

"Let me?" Duo snorted. "After wrecking her best ship, I'll be on suspension at the very least. We might as well take advantage of the time off. And, yes, I really do want to go."

I sighed in relief, wanting it more than anything, but for the right reasons. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and searched the flier in my hand.

"What are you doing?" Duo wanted to know.

"Making reservations, now, before something else happens," I told him.

When they finally reached us, we were booked and ready to go.

TBC


	11. Roses have Thorns

It almost felt like a battle plan, getting on our shuttle and away from work. Duo was blissfully unaware that I disconnected every land line phone, set up our email to show a bogus screen, saying, no new messages, and even tampered with our cell phones. The world could do without its superman for a few days. Someone else needed to step up and fill Duo's shoes.

Feeling the g forces of take off, and then the wonderful zero g of space, was like old times. Duo laughed, relaxed and happy, as we disconnected from our seats and he pulled me with him to our tiny cabin.

I hated passenger shuttles. Though they were fast, and very high tech, the time between point A and point B, was still spent in what amounted to an over used bus station. There was the smell and marks of too many people that had gone before us. The cabin itself was bare bones. Everything folded out from the walls, from the chairs to the bunks, and they were all thin plastic with minimal cushion. A vacuum sink and a slide door that led into a cramped dry shower and vacuum toilet, were the only amenities. Our gear stowed under the floor, in a compartment, and one, large window showed us the depths of space, and a galley menu taped to one side.

"Nice," Duo snickered as he closed the floor compartment and leaned on the window, peering outside. "At least we get a view."

I grimaced as I floated over the ten foot wide room and hooked fingers in his belt loops. "I hate shuttles," I grumbled as I looked out at cold space and tried not to think about the war.

"Just a few days," Duo soothed, "and then we'll be in paradise."

I looked around the room. "We'll have to find some interesting ways to pass the time."

He looked sideways at me, but his eyes were drawn back to space almost in the next moment. "Sex in space is damned hard, but, with enough straps, handholds, and suction tubes, we can probably manage it."

I noticed the full room vacuum on one wall, but didn't mention it. Knowing that passengers having sex, and releasing fluids all over the cabin, was an actual problem that needed equipment, was a little disgusting.

"I'm sorry that we haven't taken more trips like this one," Duo suddenly said and turned to hold me with one arm, while he anchored us with a handhold, with the other. "You've been a saint."

"Saint?" I snorted. "Don't be stupid. I haven't been suffering. I do have my own workaholic tendencies."

"You do," Duo agreed. "Which is why I'm surprised that it was so easy to get you away from work."

It was bothering me, knowing that things weren't getting done while I was gone, but, just like in Duo's case, someone had to step in and find their ability to get my work done while I was gone. I had to trust that someone would. "We need this," I replied as I nuzzled his neck. "We can't keep doing the impossible, every day, and not suffer eventually."

"I was still imagining having to tie you up and put you in a suitcase," Duo laughed and then we kissed and it was all wrapped up in the past and the present, regrets, wishful thinking, and what ifs.

"Peacemillion," I growled against his lips. "A cabin. Some stolen time during the war. You in your priest outfit."

"You in that tight spandex...," Duo interjected as he paused in the dance of his tongue with mine. "The others out there, oblivious that two guys want to do the nasty on the eve of battle."

We both fell into the fantasy, fell back to that time when we had wanted each other so badly, but couldn't for so many reasons. Clothes went floating everywhere. My left shoe went bumping with Duo's socks in a corner, while we did slow spirals and flips, naked and wanting to touch each other everywhere. I had a moment of self consciousness, having sex in front of such a large window, but then didn't care as Duo latched onto me and did interesting things with his mouth.

We needed that room vacuum several times, and I felt rather raunchy as it deployed and hummed loudly enough for anyone close by to hear it as well, and know what we had been up to.

"Do you think they're not doing it to?" Duo laughed as he caught sight of my expression.

Wrapped up in our bed, and relaxing in the afterglow, I really didn't want the image of other couples having sex to ruin it. Instead, I kissed his neck and then made a slow trail to his ear, while he scrunched and laughed, ticklish.

"Love you," I murmured, and thought about sleeping, warm in his embrace.

"You know I love you," Duo said as I stopped teasing his skin. "You didn't have to do all of that, you know?"

"Hm?" I asked sleepily.

"Kill our phones, email, and cell phones," Duo clarified. He held me tighter when I tensed guiltily. "Nothing was going to keep me from going on this trip with you."

"That's why I love you," I replied, but my mind was saying something different. Duo had the best intentions, and he did love me utterly, but if Une had called, and told him that only he could save the universe, he would have gone... and I would have let him. It was the nature of our lives and our relationship.

"I don't want to fix them until we return home," I told him.

"I don't want them fixed either," Duo admitted.

We had a moment of warm togetherness, and a mutual understanding, and then we heard the vacuum, in the cabin next to us, power up. Duo laughed while I blushed furiously.

-----------------------------------------------

"It looks like a real jungle," Duo said as he looked around at the humid fronds of greenery all around us. "Well, except for the nice faux stone path, the manicured vines, and the potted orchids."

"And the tourists walking around in resort wear," I snickered as we moved to let another couple pass us by.

"Well, at least they don't have buster rifles and a death wish," Duo quipped back and then frowned and added, "Sorry. That was stupid to say."

I gave his braid a jerk. "I don't intend to punish you every time you talk about work. It's who we are. Just... keep down the references to all out fire fights when I'm trying to enjoy a beautiful garden."

Duo reached out and took my hand. He squeezed it and didn't let go. We were in a place where that didn't matter, just one couple, among hundreds, that were of the same sex, and on vacation. "I will try harder," Duo promised as he unfolded his map, one handed. "Now, if we can only find the check in desk..."

"Duo Maxwell, foiled by a half acre hydroponics garden," I joked and he rolled eyes at me.

"It's a half acre jungle," Duo reminded me, "without any signs."

"That's the fun part," I told him. "You're supposed to relax and wander, not hack your way through it with a machete."

Another couple passed us and one of the men said, "The reception desk is back that way."

"Thank you," I replied, and then frowned as Duo began dragging me in that direction. "What is your hurry?" I protested.

"I want to see the room," Duo replied, "and I want to make sure our bags made it there all right."

"I'm not going to spend the first day in bed," I complained. "I want to look around."

"We will!" Duo replied as he took a side path that didn't look as if it went any where special.

"I don't think..." I began, but he seemed determined that he was going in the right direction, and I didn't mind the walk after so much time confined to a small cabin.

"They want to be clever," Duo finally told me, maybe feeling my protest in the tension of my hand in his. "So, of course the least likely way is the right way."

"You're doing it again," I warned him.

"I know, I know," Duo groused. "It's not a mission... but I really want to check in. That makes it official that we're actually here."

I smiled then. I could hardly believe it myself. Back into space, after so long, and about to have days of doing not much of anything with each other. No wounds to heal, no constant calls for dangerous mission, and no one to leave nasty notes telling us that we shouldn't be together. It was going to be a little slice of paradise.

The reception desk was situated near a waterfall and half covered in vines. The staff were all wearing resort wear and looking a little hot in the humid air. As we gave one man our IDs, I expected shocked recognition. The man did glance up at us, eyes a little wide, but then he was friendly and welcoming, and I couldn't be sure what his real reaction was. I suppose that they had many important guests stay there, and two ex Gundam pilots, weren't so note worthy.

"Relax," Duo said to me as we walked away from the desk and he handed me my keycard. "No one is going to make trouble. This place is used to celebrities."

He couldn't guarantee that, though, so it was hard to follow his advice, to not search every face and wonder if this will be the person to say or do something to ruin our vacation. That was the very reason why we did need this time of peace so badly. I had become that gun shy.

Our room was very nice, though we hadn't been able to afford any 'extras'. If we wanted a whirlpool tub, we could always go downstairs to the spa. Computer connections and state of the art vid screens, were things to be avoided. Just seeing Duo kick off his shoes and land, lightly, on the queen sized bed, grinning and relaxing, made it seem like the five star penthouse. It was perfect for what we needed it for, to sleep and others things.

I kicked off my shoes as well and crawled into bed after him. We lay together and just stared at the ceiling, trying to believe that we had actually done it. That we had left our world behind.

After awhile, of almost half dozing, Duo wrinkled his nose and said, "Love, I don't want to be insulting, but you smell like stale shuttle cabin."

I laughed, "And you think that you don't?"

"I do?" Duo tried to smell himself. His nose wrinkled even more, as he affirmed, "I do." His voice turned sexy and suggestive then, "Why don't we check out the shower?"

"I already have," I replied as I began to sit up. "It's small."

"That's fine," Duo snickered as he sat up and pulled me from the bed. "That means that you can't get away from me."

I smiled as I took hold of his braid and followed him into the bathroom, and replied, "As if I would want to."

We undressed in the tiny space, bumping into each other and laughing. When we were finally naked, and I was turning on the shower, I heard Duo say, "What's this?"

I turned just as he pushed a button. A very large panel open up to reveal a window looking out over the 'forest', with its crisscrossing paths and people walking on those paths.

"Duo!" I shouted as I lunged forward to hit the button. He stopped me with a hand on my wrist as he examined the window.

Standing nude, where everyone can see, didn't bother me. Being seen standing together with my lover, naked, and about to take a shower together, did, because everyone knew that it was more than a shower.

"Its treated," Duo told me. "Nobody can see us." His grin widened as he pulled me to the window and stood with me."This kind of turns me on."

"What doesn't?" I growled as I saw his hard erection.

I had my own, though, and Duo palmed it for a moment before facing me to the window and telling me. "Bend over and put your hands on the sill."

"Duo," I protested, my face going hot.

Duo's hands were kneading my ass then, and what was between my legs, as he bent over my back and said, "Look at all of those people down there. We can pretend they're watching us."

I started to straighten, retorting, "Pervert!"

His weight pressed me down again and I felt the bump of his erection against my ass. It was dripping so much that I doubted that we would need any lube.

The water from the shower was starting to steam the room, but the window stayed clear, and I stared downward, as I thought about people actually looking up and knowing that Duo was about to...

He chuckled and it was almost a purr as he felt how hard I was getting. I felt ashamed of myself, yet, thrilled as well.

Duo coated my entrance with his precum, teased me until I opened, and then pushed in, slow and easy. When he wrapped his arms around my waist, put his cheek against my shoulder, and began thrusting in and out, it was hard to remember that everyone down below couldn't see us. That odd, taboo thrill, made me want something more than being ridden.

Duo was surprised when I turned the tables, but he was obliging as I plastered his back against the window, and hooked his legs, so that he was spread open, and propped up by the sill and my strength. He wrapped arms around my neck and bit at my neck and collarbone, as I carefully pushed my erection into him. The window made a thrumming noise every time I shoved in and Duo made a sighing, pleasure filled, grunt, whenever I pulled out again. We were making music together as I panted and took him utterly.

I came, shooting hard and deep into him, pressing him almost flat against the window, and then I was pulling out and kneeling to take him into my mouth. His knees bent out wide and his feet planted on my shoulders, using that leverage to keep himself against the window, as he moaned and let me make him come.

We showered after and, as I stood in the spray and let Duo soap my back, he said in my ear, "Sorry."

I glared at him over my shoulder, eyelashes sprinkled with water drops. "I didn't know that you had kinks," I replied. "There aren't anymore, are there?"

Duo snickered. "Not that I know of. Do you have any?"

I turned, my erection hard and needy again. "It's something to do with showers, and lots of soap, and you," I replied.

"I think I can go along with that," Duo laughed as he handed me the soap and turned to lean against the tile.

"You look... comfortable," Duo said to me and I could see that he was trying to keep a straight face.

"What's wrong?" I asked irritably as I fastened the strap on my sandal. "Go, ahead, say it. I wouldn't want you to hurt something keeping it in."

Duo shoved hands into the pockets of his shorts. They were khaki, with a dozen pockets and dangling rings and hooks, all for show and rather useless. His t shirt was less so. It was a half shirt and it showed abs hard enough to grate gundanium. I doubt the man had a spare inch of flesh anywhere on his body. His strong legs looked as if he ran marathons every day, and his shoes looked ready for a long hike. His loose hair was caught back in a red bandana, the end strands tangling already. I would have liked to say that I matched, that I looked as capable and dangerous... yes, and as damned hot as he was, but I had opted for... comfortable.

"If you want me to change, I will." It came out sounding petulant. I felt stupid and over sensitive. He was mine, after all, and that wasn't going to change just because I wasn't a tip top gundam pilot anymore... and older... and wearing cut off jeans, a flowered resort shirt, and an old pair of sandals.

He grabbed me, putting his arms around me and cupping my ass. Looking into my eyes, he grinned. "I know what's UNDER the clothes, so they don't really matter," he told me. "I just can't get used to Casual Heero, that's all, even after these years. It makes me happy, you know? I like how relaxed and comfortable you are with yourself... with life."

Life together had become very comfortable. I only wished that our public lives were as well. I didn't say that, though, as I kissed him and replied, "As long as you aren't ashamed of being seen with me?"

He frowned and took that seriously. "I will never be ashamed of you," he told me earnestly and held me tighter. Then he was taking my hand and snagging a small bag from a chair. "Enough talk!" he exclaimed impatiently. "If we don't hurry, we'll miss our reservation."

Reserving a hike in the 'natural preserve' was necessary. We were guaranteed privacy, a quiet walk, a stunning waterfall and swimming pool, and a prepared picnic for two hours.

"Relax," I told him as I pulled back on Duo's hand and made him walk, through the hallways. He rolled eyes at me and then slowed his steps as if it was a supreme effort.

"Duo Maxwell, I'm sure of it!" a voice said as we passed. Duo grimaced and we both decided not to turn and look.

"The hair..."

"Famous..."

"What's he doing here?"

"Who the hell..."

"Holding hands, for Christ's sake!"

"Handsome..."

"Why can't he be single...?"

"Wouldn't be here if he was..."

"Are you sure that's Duo Maxwell?"

"Heero Yuy?"

"I didn't know they were together..."

"If we had more public displays like that, things would be easier for all of us..."

"Get a picture!"

"It was bound to happen," Duo said and I nodded.

"That's why we have a lot of private things scheduled," I replied and held his hand tighter.

"I thought this place was a more open minded about things," Duo grumbled as we found the right hall leading to the preserve.

"Idiots are everywhere," I replied as I fumbled in a pocket for our reservation chips.

"He'd have to be really stupid to reserve a vacation in a place like this, if he felt that way, though," Duo snorted.

"Supremely stupid," I agreed.

I checked my watch. We were a few minutes late, but we had fifteen before they cancelled our reservations. It was plenty of time.

"Someone is following us," Duo said tightly.

I didn't turn. I simply listened. Footsteps were out of rhythm with ours and definitely coming after us. "A confused tourist?" I wondered hopefully. There wasn't any reason for anyone to be in that particular hall unless they did have a reservation for the preserve.

"I'll give directions, then, forcefully," Duo growled and we turned as one.

The young girl who flew into his arms, didn't realize how close she was to dying. I saw Duo stiffen under her weight, soldier mode clear in his eyes, and my hands reached out to grab him, to stop him from doing the unthinkable, as I shouted, "No!"

Duo grabbed the girl around the waist, and pried her off of him in a tumble of frilly skirts, jingling bangles and necklaces, and flying blonde hair. Her perfume was over powering, bubble gum and flowers, and her face was over done and too adult for her age. Her three friends were more cautious, all eyes and nervous cries.

"I love you!" the girl in Duo's arms cried out, as she fought to keep her hold on him. "Can I have your autograph, please!"

Her friends joined in the chorus, never seeing how pale and tense Duo was, and how we were both catching our breaths. He said something that didn't make sense and then recovered his charm. "Of course, but, next time, please remember not to scare a poor Preventer agent half to death, okay?"

The all apologized, looking mortified. Duo gave them his one hundred watt smile and began signing whatever they held out to him, including one girl's arm. I let up on the death grip I had on Duo's arm, certain that I had left bruises, to let him do that, and had time to glance at my watch again. We had somehow time warped and our fifteen minutes were almost up.

"Duo! Our reservations!" I shouted at him.

The last autographed paper that he held went flying to the owner and, while that girl squealed in delight, Duo whipped around, gab the chips from my hand, and ran for the wall console, at the end of the hall, as if Earth and Outer Space depended on it. The girls and I watched in awe as his hair streamed out behind him and his body flexed and drove him forward like a cheetah with a good wind behind its tail. He slammed up against the wall, unable to stop his momentum, and shoved our chips into the console with seconds to spare. The green light was a welcoming glow and the opening hatch even more welcome.

"Sorry, girls, vacation calls! Come on love!" he shouted at me and waved as he leaned against the wall, panting.

The girls shot jealous looks at me as I hurried to the end of the hall and pulled Duo through the door. When it closed tightly behind us, and we were facing a rugged, forested terrain, and a startled, ten point buck, I laughed.

"What?" Duo groused as the buck darted into the trees.

"You ran from little girls," I snickered.

"Did not," Duo retorted. "I was saving our reservation."

"You didn't go back to them," I pointed out. "so, you were definitely running away."

"Was not," Duo replied.

I arched an eyebrow at him and then he shrugged and laughed. "Okay, maybe I was, but you were pretty quick to follow my lead."

"I was," I agreed, but then looked him up and down critically. "Next time, that we go out, I think that you should wear a disguise."

"What sort?" Duo wanted to know, his eyes on the artificial horizon of snow capped mountains.

"Dark sunglasses and maybe a mylar jogging suit," I suggested.

"Sunglasses sound good," Duo replied as he hooked an arm around me and chose a rocky path to take. "No mylar, though, I'm allergic to 'old fart' clothes."

I frowned. "I do have one of those, you realize?"

"I know," Duo replied as if my lack of fashion sense was something that he was used to putting up with.

"I could have suggested that you cut your hair," I said sourly, "but I didn't. Now you repay me by insulting my mylar."

"You love my hair," Duo purred and made it swing around us in a cinnamon cloak. The sun caught it and made fiery highlights and I found myself mesmerized. "See?" Duo said triumphantly. "You are totally turned on, aren't you?"

I frowned. "My hair fetish doesn't get you off the hook for insulting my clothes."

"It doesn't?" Duo waggled eyebrows at me.

I laughed, as much as I tried not to. "Maybe it does," I replied and took a handful of it and let it sift through my hands. "You are more than your hair, though, love of mine, and I am more than my clothes, hopefully?"

"With or without clothes, you're still mine," Duo snickered, "but I do like you out of them the best."

"With or without hair, you're still damned handsome... and still mine, forever," I told him, "Even if you do come with a troop of Preventer agents and a herd of squealing fans."

He sighed and rolled eyes. "You're just as much a hero as I am. I don't know why you don't have your own fans," he said as he walked a bit ahead to look at a flower. The sun caressed his muscles, his handsome face, and that long, swaying hair. I knew why, but it didn't bother me. He deserved it all and more.

TBC


	12. Paradise

"We don't really need our bathing suits, you know?" Duo said as he looked over the beautiful waterfall and the small, clear, pool, of water. The 'sky' was blue with artificial white clouds and the plants had been expertly done to make it look as natural as possible.

"I'm not an exhibitionist, there are probably monitors every where," I grumbled as I settled on the edge of the water fall and looked over the meal that had been placed on a cloth for our enjoyment. Spring water, delicate pastries, sugared fruits, and rich cheeses. It was designed on a plate like a blooming flower.

"Very oriental," Duo commented as he stripped off his shirt.

"Is it?" I wondered, not seeing that at all.

"Anal," Duo snickered and I tossed a sprig of mint garnish at him.

"I'll have to suggest, to Une, that she place you in sensitivity training again, Mr. Stereotype," I told him as I took up a strawberry and popped it into my mouth. When I bit down, the flavor burst over my tongue, and some of the juice dribbled on my lips.

Duo caught at the juice with one finger, and grinned, as he made a show of sucking it off. "You know," he said, looking wicked, "Who ever's watching, has probably seen it all."

I glared as I swallowed my strawberry, but I couldn't keep my eyes off of his finger, as it made it's slow, sensual way in and out of his mouth. Damn him, anyway, I thought. He knew how sexy he was... and how hard it was to resist him.

Duo suddenly sprawled out beside me on the grass, and then snuggled in close, his strong arms around my waist and his cheek resting right on the growing bulge of my crotch. His purple eyes looked up at me as he nuzzled. "You know you want to," he crooned.

My traitor hand smoothed along his rounded shoulder and then down to where his brownish nipple was standing proud. Equally traitorous fingers came together to play there and Duo closed his eyes and sighed contentedly.

"You won't get me to do it," I warned. "You can save this for later."

He rolled and gave me the long line of his back, his ass rounding up and his shorts riding low, and the spray of his loose hair. I had a very tempting view of his ass 'cleavage'. A little dusting of hair there, the same color as the hair on his head, made it that much more erotic. Having Duo's face, though, buried fully in my crotch, and feeling his tongue rasp against the material there, made me shiver and clutch at him.

"They'll tape it and sell it to all the news stations," I tried again.

I could feel Duo's grin against my pants. "At least they'll get my good side." He made a motion with his hips, as if he was plunging down into a willing body, and then snickered as I gripped him even tighter.

No terrorists to thwart, no bombs to defuse, no missions to fly, no coworkers to endure, just a quiet oasis in space and Duo's face in my lap. My hand smoothed over his hair and his tightening arms were claiming victory. I wasn't an exhibitionist, though, and, no matter how tempting, I wasn't going to give anyone a show.

"Changing room," I suggested, knowing that it was hidden behind the rocks..

Duo looked up eagerly, wet spots showing on my shorts. He wanted more of a concession, though. "Water."

I looked at the water, calculated the distortion, and then nervously nodded. Duo was up, then, and pulling me into the water, not waiting for me to change into my suit and also change my mind. When his legs wrapped around my waist, though, and he bounced as I took us both into deeper water, denying him was the last thing on my mind.

There was a shadow, trees making shade over a spot by the tumbling water. I leaned Duo back there, against a smooth, 'rock' wall, and undid his wet shorts. Pulling them down just enough, he was left partly folded, his ass hanging down invitingly. I buried my tongue into his mouth and he wrapped one arm around my neck for support, as his other hand snaked down and tugged down my zipper.

Duo's hand pumped my erection as he brought it out and then he took aim with it where I most wanted to be. His hungry mouth gave me encouragement as we both worked to get me seated inside of him, while still looking like we were only kissing. I'm certain that I was flaming red with embarrassment, and I longed to check for vid feeds, but slowly inching my way into Duo's tight heat, despite the resistance of the water trying to wash away any helpful fluids, soon had me thinking of nothing else, but taking him thoroughly.

An explosive orgasm, shook us both, a little later, as I emptied into Duo. He thrust up and down along with my motions, riding that powerful feeling to its fullest. When we were spent, pressed against each other and panting, I came back to myself enough to be concerned. Both of my hands were cupped under Duo's ass, and I squeezed and kneaded, as I pulled slowly out, feeling resistance and some soreness on my skin.

"Are you all right?" I asked anxiously.

Duo grimaced as he shifted a little and felt soreness as well. "Hurts a bit," he admitted, but then pulled me tighter against him and said in my ear, "but it was worth it."

My pants went back up, but Duo's came off completely. He tossed them to shore and then swam around me, laughing, like a long haired otter, his white ass cheeks peeping out of the water now and again.

"I'll get your suit," I said, a little primly, and climbed out of the water. As I walked to our bag, over soft grass, Duo said, "Well, if they were taping that, I want a copy."

Me too, I thought, but then turned with his suit in time to see him dive under the water, ass and everything else showing to the 'sky' before he plunged under the water. He came back up to see my red face.

"You are not helping things," I complained. "Maybe we should have gone to a nudist colony, instead?"

"Hey," Duo shot back with an evil grin, "I'm not the one telling time the old fashioned way."

I looked down and saw that I was at 'half mast' and completely unzipped. Blushing furiously, as Duo laughed at me, I covered myself with his suit and sat down by the tray of food. I wanted to complain, to accuse him, to say that my embarrassment, and our future placement on the evening news vids, was solidly going to be his fault, but I stopped, words stilling behind my teeth as I saw him swimming with a blissful, relaxed, expression on his face. He was enjoying himself. He was at peace. He was free of duty, for the first time in far too long. I wasn't going to take that away from him because I wanted to be prudish and inhibited.

"Duo?" I called. He looked over at me, curious, and I tossed a strawberry to him. He caught it in his teeth, his hands still treading water, and took it into his mouth in one bite. The juice dribbled down his lips as he chewed and smiled at me.

I would walk nude, through the entire colony, I thought, to give him that as long as possible.

"Duo... phone..." I murmured against Duo's neck.

"Phone? What's a phone?" he panted as he slid in and out of my body and hitched my legs higher.

"It's... important... if they call," I managed, though the last thing on my mind was the world in general. All of my body was centered on the intense feelings that Duo was giving me as he moved between my legs.

Duo made a low growl and reached up from our position on the floor to grab the phone. Still buried in me, to the fullest, his face close to mine, he put the receiver against his ear and barked, "Maxwell, here."

I felt embarrassed, though I knew there was no reason to be. The person on the line couldn't know that we were sprawled on the carpet, that my legs were hitched up in Duo's strong arms, his breath in my ear, and that his heated, throbbing erection was inside of me, wanting desperately to continue. An open champagne bottle was beside us, next to tumbled glasses, and cheese and grapes were littering the floor, the remnants of Duo's foreplay. We had shared the grapes, chasing them in each other's mouth as we deep kissed, and ate them, and the cheese had been laid out over my body for Duo to nip at and tease me with, as he had feasted up and down my body. It had ended up where we had both intended, in a bout of fast paced sex that we had both been enjoying thoroughly. This interruption was as welcome as nails on a chalkboard.

I played with the loose curtain of Duo's hair as he listened to whoever was on the line, his brow furrowed. That furrow had been growing, more and more, permanent over the years.

"I trust your security," Duo finally said, "Thank you for informing me of the threat. We do receive them, on occasion. It's the price of our past and our positions." Duo's frown deepened. "It said that? Well, in my experience, the ones who threaten, usually never go through with it. It's the silent ones that you have to worry about."

Duo's excitement began to go down as he talked, and he changed position slightly as muscles cramped. He halted my attempt to move out from under him, though, holding me firmly in place.

"No," he replied to something the person on the other line said. "We're still going through with the climb. Keep us booked for tomorrow. I don't want any security hanging around either. You monitor everything. That's enough. All right, thank you."

Duo reached up and slammed the phone down. He was in my face then, curling me back up with renewed interest, as he said firmly, "You didn't hear that. It wasn't anything but the usual. We just ate grapes in each other's mouths and I licked and nibbled cheese off your belly button, your luscious tits, and your-"

I grabbed his mouth with mine and sunk my tongue in deep. The usual, I told myself with an inner sigh. Someone had seen us, not liked it, and left a nasty note.Nothing to worry about. As Duo began thrusting again, and I lost myself to the sensation once more, I made up my mind to disconnect the phone in the room as well.

"Getting slow old man!" Duo snickered as I tried to keep up.

I knew that the climb would release some tension, and I was right. Duo could only relax for so long before something snapped, before he grew restless enough to seek out his addiction to his work. To give him the adrenaline rush that he needed, though, had required breaking all the rules. Knowing that we were under surveillance, I had wondered what our hosts thought about our cutting our safety lines, tossing aside the antigrav belts, and switching off the call buttons attached to our gear. I had waited for intervention, a protest of some sort, but, maybe, they were keenly aware of our reputation and either knew that we were more than capable of the climb, or more than willing to start a fight over it?

Duo was taking the climb with relish and an ease that I had given up with three hour workouts and combat training. A desk job and a small work out, once a day, doesn't really keep a man in shape well enough to make the climb that we faced, easy or enjoyable. The view of Duo, his strong legs bracing wide in skin tight white shorts, and flexing upper body in a loose tank top, above me, more than made up for my present misery, though. His braid swung as he moved, all business, and an acknowledgement that things could get dangerous if we weren't careful.

"I'm just cautious, not old," I panted back, searching with one hand for a place to grip. We had purposefully not taken the easy steps, but had decided on finding our own route.

"Desk jockey," he taunted.

"Adrenalin junky!" I called back, but didn't speed up my efforts. I knew my ability, and he knew that I wasn't foolish enough to get egged into doing more than I was able.

He waited, grinning and leaning out to watch me, holding on easily by his fingers, damn him. When I finally came even with him, he kissed me, gave me a wild laugh, and was climbing ahead of me again. My reward, once I reached the top, was unspoken, but clear. I silenced the traitor part of me, that wanted to call it quits, and gritted my teeth, determined to finish the climb without embarrassing myself too much.

Duo's hand was there to pull me up as I finally reached the top of the artificial plateau. Sweating, scraped, and worn to the bone, it seemed odd to find comfortable chairs, drinks and snacks arrayed on a table, and a grand view of the station's gardens far below. We faced that view, arm in arm, recovering our breath and high on our triumph.

The sound behind us, sent alarms inside of me screaming that it didn't belong, that it was dangerous, and that my Duo was tangled in our lines still, and unable to defend himself. I spun and kicked out, as easy as breathing, and caught the intruder on the chin. The well dressed man, who had popped out of a well appointed lift, out of the floor of the plateau, dropped like a sack of grade A gyros.

Duo was wide eyed and then he looked at me, mouth open. He recovered, shaking his head in amazement, as he said,"Well, I wonder how much decking the manager of the resort is going to add to our bill?"

"Well, at least they aren't suing us, and they are refunding our last day," Duo sighed as he unzipped our bags and flopped them open on our bed. Full of dirty clothes, they had a faint smell. I snagged our packed toiletries and headed for the shower without replying.

I felt guilty and I felt angry, too, that the one stupid action of a resort manager had caused me to loose control. I had nearly busted the man's jaw, but he had been the first to admit that he had been the one to surprise me. After a death threat, he couldn't blame me for being jumpy. He had only interrupted us, though, to tell us that we were breaking firm resort rules, by not following safety procedures. In fact, everyone else on his staff had been too intimidated to take on the task of correcting our behavior. He had been the one to brave the two Gundam pilots and he had paid the consequences of that bravery. I couldn't help feeling like a monster, just then, like the weapon that I had been trained to be, during the war.

I let the warm water wash over me, enjoying the heat on travel weary muscles acclimating themselves to full Earth gravity again. When the naked figure appeared on the other side of the shower curtain, I almost denied the gentle voice that asked, "Join you?"

I wasn't in the mood for sex or any kind of play. I just wanted to be alone with my depressed thoughts. I felt that I needed to get my head back on straight. In the time between station and planet side, the ache in my psyche hadn't dulled. I still felt like I was on the edge of an adrenalin rush, a combat high that would have me striking out at anything that even remotely threatened me or what was mine. I was dangerous, I felt, and I was afraid for Duo.

The curtain opened and purple eyes met mine. "Don't," he told me. "Don't shut yourself off. I hate that." His hair was loose all around him, in preparation for the shower, and he held a bottle of a body wash that I liked in one hand. A scar bisected one breast. My eyes went to it and traced it over and over, not knowing what to say.

Duo tapped the scar with the bottle. "We both have these, inside and out. We both have to deal with them, Heero. They make us what we are and we can't stop living, or start hating ourselves, because sometimes those scars make us do things that aren't nice. We can only try again... try better...afterward."

"I think I need to talk to the therapist," I replied and hated how small and lost my voice sounded. I could feel myself closing up, just as he had said, and I couldn't help it. I wanted to lock down all emotions. I wanted to stop the thing that had made me almost kill a man... again.

Duo's strong hands took hold of me as he stepped into the hot shower. The water rained down on his head and turned his hair into a wet blanket. His bangs hung in his eyes as he pressed against me and held me in a tight hug, his face pressing into my neck.

"You are doing it," Duo said in exasperation."You're so afraid, though, that you aren't thinking straight. I never should have given you the space that you asked for, on the return trip. I should have knocked sense into you even before we left station."

"I..." I struggled with words, hating that I felt on the verge of crying against his shoulder. I didn't want to break down. I didn't want him to think that I couldn't handle myself... control myself. Yuy the desk jockey. Yuy who likes flowers and reading romance novels. Yuy who doesn't want to kill any longer. Yuy who was still the weapon that he had been trained to be, all those year ago... crying.

The tears did come, hot and choking, and he held me so tightly, I felt that he wanted to pull me into himself. He let me hang onto him for long minutes, and then he turned me away, facing the water, so that I could pull myself together, without the added embarrassment of his eyes on me. The cap to the body wash opened and he smoothed a musky scented soap over my back. His hands moved in slow massaging circles over my skin, after he put down the bottle.

"What are you shutting off?" Duo wanted to know, his voice in my ear and his hands still working over my hard muscles. "Are you shutting off the fear that made you react? The concern for your own welfare? Or is it some hate you've been secretly harboring for resort managers?"

"I..." I struggled again, as he made me think about why I had reacted so strongly. I hadn't been afraid for myself, I had been afraid for Duo. Was I trying to shut off my feelings for him?

I reached back, took hold of Duo's arms, and brought them forward so that he was hugging me from behind. He clasped me tightly and said in my ear, "Is that what you want?" he asked, knowing full well where he had been leading me. "Do you want not to love me... or anyone else again, so that you won't feel the need to protect us?"

I felt the tears again. "I don't want to be a weapon," I managed at last.

"I know... I know..." he soothed, just that, over and over, and then, finally, "You aren't a weapon, Heero. You're just a man. You reacted just like any man, too. We had a death threat. We were surprised. You thought the worst, just like I did, just like anyone would. It's just unfortunate for Mr. Manager that you can put a hole through steel plating."

I took a shuddering breath, wanting, more than anything else, to get back my control.

"We can't change who we are," Duo told me, "So that leaves two options for us. To go on and keep trying to live our lives, or to..."

He didn't finish. He didn't have to. The fear was in his voice, though, and for good reason. I had tried that second option one too many times, to have it off the table as unthinkable.I did have something that I didn't have back then, though, something that was strong enough to make the first option my only choice.

"I won't leave you," I choked out and turned to hold him tightly. With both of us covered by his wet hair, it felt like a shelter, as I let Duo give me his strength and the reason why I went on living, why I knew that I would go on and try again to lead my life of peace.

TBC 


	13. Chapter 13

The news vids were full of our return trip, the report of my 'assault' on the manager, and speculation of whether his impending charges would finally cause a rift between Duo and I, one that would separate us. They didn't seem to care that the manager wasn't pressing charges or that we were clearly together, and happy, whenever we went into public. We tried to ignore it, as usual, but it was hard when our faces were plastered on every news source. Someone conveniently leaked the news that I had visited my therapist, as well, with a photo of me leaving the office, to confirm it. Duo was furious, of course, but I only speculated about how much money this person had gotten, and laughed it off. They could make me angry, but letting them ruin my day was only letting them win, in my opinion.

I was ridiculously glad to return to work. As we parked the car in the garage and climbed out, it was like coming home, and I felt an eagerness to start that made Duo laugh at me, even though he was feeling it to. He wanted to get back to the hero business, and was hoping for a new mission, I was sure, and I was eager to get back to my own mission of hunting down the facts that the agents needed.

I was expecting the worst when we parted ways in he halls and I opened the door of my office. There would be hundreds of sticky notes with insults, I was sure, and mindless acts of vandalism. I was surprised to find everything as neat and as orderly as when I had left it. Hardly believing it, I even opened the drawers of my desk, cautiously, but didn't find anything there either.

I started through the work that had accumulated during my absence, and found, right away, several requests that should have been taken care of days ago. I stacked them and headed for Research. When one of my coworkers gave me a friendly, "Hey, Yuy, how's it going?" as he passed me in the hallway, I couldn't help a lame mumble in reply. I turned to stare after him. Jim Dougan had never been friendly towards me before.

Shaking my head in confusion, I continued on my way, and received two more greetings, before I reached the main office, where my old desk had used to be. I felt unnerved, as if a joke was being played at my expense, and half believed that. They couldn't be sincere, I felt. Something big was waiting for me, somewhere, some ultimate insult. I felt vindicated when I saw the very large group of people facing towards my old desk. Here it was, I thought to myself, and braced myself for what was coming next. I didn't expect to hear Duo's voice.

"Just relax, buddy, so no one gets hurt."

"Someone's going to get hurt," a rather high pitched, man's voice replied, "and it's for your own good!"

"Holding me at gunpoint is for my own good?" Duo asked as I started anxiously through the crowd.

Hands reached out and stopped me and two taller coworkers moved to stand in front of me. "Hide!" a woman's voice hissed. "He's after you!"

I recognized the woman that I have saved from suicide. Her expression was terrified, but still anxious for my safety.

"He's a filthy pervert! A coward!" the shrill voice replied. "You're a hero. You should be honored. That disgusting bastard is trying to drag you down. He wants to destroy you."

"Can I get a name?" Duo asked, as if amused. "Nobody I know fits that description."

"Heero Yuy!" the man shouted. "He has you fooled, but not me, and not those who honor you. I'm going to make sure that he doesn't hurt you any more."

"He saved the Earth and the colonies," Duo growled. "If anyone deserves honor, it's Heero."

The man snarled back, "That's in the past, before he decided to make you his-"

I went red in the face, used to insults, but nothing that crude.

Duo's voice, when it replied, was as cold as ice, as he said, "If you touch Heero, I'm going to show you why they called me 'Shinigami' "

"Do to me what you like," the man replied. "I don't matter. It's Earth and the colonies that need you. I'm saving you for them. Now, get him here, or I'll start shooting these people, one by one."

"I here," I called out and shoved people aside until I reached the front, and my old desk. The new occupant was huddled in the chair, terrified, and watching the small, balding man, in front of the desk, threaten Duo with a gun. It seemed that the gunmen hadn't been aware of my new office assignment.

Duo looked exasperated with me, but purposefully kept the situation calm with a joke. "Do you always have to sacrifice yourself for everyone else?"

"Yes, just like you do," I replied with the same calm. "It's who we are."

"It's what we do," Duo chuckled, agreeing, but I could see the fear for me in his eyes.

"Shut up!" the man snarled at us both, and then motioned with the gun at me. "Get over here, so that I can blow your brains out and finish this."

"I think I finally get it," one of my coworkers said, as if amazed at himself. He looked at me as if in awe. "You're not a coward. You've just done enough. You deserve... rest."

"Yeah," another man said and nodded. "You've done enough, Yuy. It's time that we took care of things ourselves and let you take it easy."

"They're a team," a woman spoke up. "Yuy isn't keeping Agent Maxwell from doing his job. They do their job together."

"That's a lie!" the gunman shouted angrily. "He's a goddamn pervert. A coward!"

"No," Duo said, "he's not."

Everyone began shaking their heads and saying, "He's not. He's not a coward."

A man who had tormented me for years, swallowed hard and stepped between me and the gunman. Treakel, my ex supervisor, was volunteering to be my shield. Slowly, other agents, and office personnel, began stepping forward to join him. I was suddenly walled off from my attacker.

"I'll shoot all of you!" the gunman screamed at them.

"You'll have to shoot me first," Duo told him and added his body to my shield, turning to block the gun with his chest.

"Why!!?" the man begged, mentally falling apart with confusion.

"Because," Duo replied, "I'm gay. Heero didn't talk me into it, drug me, brain wash me, or any of that. Duo Maxwell is gay, understand? I always have been. Heero is, too, which is why I'm such a lucky, lucky man, because I really love the guy. I am willing to die for him. So, if you can't accept that, then go ahead and shoot me. Just understand, that I fully intend to take you with me, just to make sure that you don't hurt Heero, or anyone else here."

The gun man's hand shook, and sweat beaded his forehead. The gun wavered and that's when Duo hit him with a right cross that sent him flipping back over the desk. He was unconscious when he hit the floor.

"I think he was changing his mind," I pointed out.

"Well, I had to be sure," Duo snickered as he rubbed his sore knuckles and pushed through the crowd to get to me. He hugged me tightly, then, and we smiled at each other.

"Nice to be back to work," Duo said.

"I agree," I replied and then looked around me at the people who were coming to terms with the knowledge that they could have died protecting me.

"Thank you," I said and it was heartfelt. I said other things, hardly able to express my gratitude, but didn't ask the one question that I truly wanted an answer to. It seemed out of place, after all, to ask why, after years of abuse, that they had found a change of heart towards me.

"I think we need a break," Duo said, as he watched agents take the gunman away. "Let's go to the commissary for coffee, before we make a report to Une."

On the way, I asked, "Why did they do that?"

"Maybe they finally realized what a great guy you are?" Duo suggested. "Maybe, while you were gone, they realized how much damn work you do?"

"Are you suggesting that paperwork makes people want to throw themselves in front of gun wielding mad men?" I wondered sarcastically.

"Sometimes, I'd rather do that than fill out one more report," Duo sighed.

"Everyone's attitude has changed towards me," I told him, perplexed. "Even before the gunman... I'd like to know why, that's all."

We reached the commissary and Duo smiled as he gestured to one wall. "Maybe that has something to do with it?"

I moved closer to look at the bulletin, and realized that it was a list of everyone at Preventers. Beside their name, was a listing of their duties and accomplishments. Several people had a very long list of accomplishments, including Quatre, Wu Fei, and Trowa. Duo had, by far, the most, running in a seemingly endless line away from his name. Only one man had kept up with him, though they had only reached the halfway point of Duo's list. That name was mine.

"I think people can see, now, " Duo said, as he took my hands in his, "That you belong with me, that you are good enough, and that you aren't a coward."

I didn't fool myself into thinking that everyone had been convinced by Une's strategy, but enough minds had been changed to save my life, and Duo's. "I'll have to thank, Une," I said, hardly able to speak through my emotions.

He tugged me towards a table. "Later," he said as his hands tightened in mine. "Right now, you're mine."

END 


End file.
